Boring Marriage? 7 Ideas That Are Here To Help
How To Fix a Boring Marriage
When it comes down to how to fix a boring marriage, we need to get right to it. No beating around the bush.
I would bet that most of us have dealt with feelings of boredom in our relationships. I know I have.
Being bored in your relationship is super frustrating. Nothing may be particularly wrong but things also don’t feel exactly right.
Sound at all familiar?
Boredom is not this mysterious and rare thing. In fact, it is quite the opposite.
That “high” you felt in the early stages of your relationship will not always be there. Not to be a Debbie downer over here but it’s true.
This is not to say that relationships inevitably go downhill over time and there’s nothing we can do about it. Absolutely not.
Take this as more of a little tap on the shoulder reminder that if your marriage is not firing on all cylinders all the time… that is ok. That is normal.
This does not mean your relationship is doomed.
I do, however, strongly believe that a marriage that is left in this stagnant state for too long will require a little more elbow grease to bounce back.
That’s where these ideas come into play. So often, the ideas that can help us implement change are simple.
But actually applying those tips to our lives and our relationships is not so simple. Elbow grease, remember?
Here Are 7 Must-Try Ways To Help a Boring Marriage
1) Turn off Cruise Control
You can call it cruise control or autopilot or coasting.
Whatever term you want to use is fine. But these terms in our marriage do not usually spark positive vibes.
These things sort of happen by accident.
This isn’t a deliberate choice we make. It kind of just happens and then we don’t really notice.. well, until we do.
The big “B” has moved in and gotten very comfortable. (the big B is the boredom of course)
Your marriage is simply functioning. Like an appliance.
It might feel as if you are both just going through the motions of daily life.
Someone has to be the one to make the first move. Someone has to pull the emergency brake. Or else the hamster wheel will keep on spinning.
For most couples, issues don’t just pop up overnight. It’s more of a simmer.
How much better would things be if we took care of the simmer before it became a messy boil? And I get it. Easier said than done.
But very possible if we try our best to prioritize our marriage. And if we consistently prioritize our marriage, it is much less likely to get put on cruise control.
2) Assess Your Expectations
Unrealistic expectations have been the culprit to the demise of many relationships.
I am in no way saying to set some low expectations for your marriage or your spouse. But we do have to be realistic in what we expect and what our partners are capable of.
We are not in a Rom-Com over here. (Do I secretly wish I was sometimes? Heck yes… but that’s a chat for another day)
I know in my marriage, I have been guilty of almost expecting perfection from my husband. Basically, I wanted him to react and respond to everything the way I would.
Or I expected him to respond the way I wanted him to.
Well, that is obviously not realistic. Mainly because I did not marry a robot.
Our partners are not something we can program to our liking. The same is true for our marriages.
Things will not always happen or pan out in the exact way we would like.
3) The Fun Has Left The Building
Oh, relationships are supposed to be fun?
This is really a valid question.
There are endless jokes about what goes on in relationships. Jokes about wives being in control. Jokes about men not having lives after they get hitched.
And let’s not even get started with all the jokes about sex lives after marriage.
Now, I love to laugh. I love jokes. But I also always think there is at least a little hint of truth behind a laugh or a joke.
Do marriage and fun not belong in the same sentence?
That is ridiculous. Of course, they do!
Will every single day be an adventure? Not likely.
Will every single day have some excitement? Maybe. Maybe not.
But I think the real key here is to first acknowledge that there need to be some changes.
And then read this! (it’s all about how to have more fun with your spouse)
4) Communication is Lacking
Sometimes the problem is as simple (and as complex) as you just stopped talking. At least about anything of any substance.
Talking about the bills or the weather or the washer acting wonky doesn’t count.
When was the last time you talked about personal goals you both have? Struggles? Life in general?
Here is a question for you!
Have you ever had a marriage meeting? If not, give it a shot.
It is as straightforward as it sounds. A meeting all about your marriage.
And it is a really simple way to stay connected to your partner and keep those lines of communication open.
At times, it can feel as if you and your spouse are like ships passing in the night. Just existing in the same environment.
This is about carving out time on a regular basis (I like weekly) to be free of distractions, look each other in the eye, and talk.
By the way… these sit-downs together can be as long or as short as you both feel is right. There are no right or wrong ways to do this.
5) Have Your Own Life
It is so vital for each of you to have a life of your own.
You can not look to your partner to provide all of your happiness. To fill your cup.
You should not be everything to each other.
Having your own life will only do good things for your marriage…and more importantly for yourself.
6) Get off The Phone
Technology is a beautiful thing. But it can also be a dangerous thing.
Be aware of how attached you are to your phone and how much time you are actually spending on it.
Look up more.
Living in the present is huge.
I speak from personal experience when I say that spending too much time on social media can and probably will make you feel not so great about your life (and of course your marriage).
Scroll responsibly. (this is what I say to myself quite often)
And also remind yourself of this. Your relationship will always have a very hard time measuring up to a pretty picture or a highlight reel you see on the internet.
Why is there still such a stigma about seeking help?
I feel like the conversations around therapy (whether personal or for a couple) are happening but we are not all the way there yet.
Many people still feel a little conflicted on the subject.
My car is in the shop right now. Why? Because the check engine light came on and it was not running smoothly.
It seems so obvious that I (well, my husband) took it in to get checked out.
Your marriage is a valuable asset. Treat it as such.
If anything, an outside source can offer a truly unbiased perspective.
You and your partner are in it. And when things are mucky, being in it makes it hard to see everything around you clearly. It definitely makes it hard to see where your partner is coming from clearly.
Therapy can be a road to some clarity.
And is there a downside to getting some expert advice? I think not.
Books can be another great resource for your marriage. I love these.
A boring marriage does not have to stay that way.
If marriage was easy peasy, the divorce rate would go down a bit. But it’s not. It’s really challenging and it requires quite a bit from both people involved.
If your relationship has been traveling down the boring road for a bit, have no fear. With some small tweaks, you should be able to find a place to make a slow and steady u-turn soon.
Have any tips on ways to fix a boring marriage? Definitely share!
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