11 Pieces of Really Good Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice For Married Couples
I am always on the hunt for some good (and super easy) recipes. Some good leggings. And, of course, some good relationship advice.
Now, as we all know, there is definitely no shortage of relationship advice out there. (there’s also no shortage of recipes or leggings)
There is just A LOT of advice out there. A lot of tips and tricks. A lot of ideas. An abundance of info.
You know what?
This is a good thing. All this stuff is just out there waiting for us. Waiting to be absorbed by us. Waiting for us to get our hands on it or our eyes on it or our ears on it.
Ok, getting our “ears on it” sounds a little strange but you get the point.
In today’s world, people truly want to build the best relationships possible. Happy and healthy relationships. Fulfilling relationships. Relationships that are held to a higher standard.
Two thumbs way up for that!
There is, however, a difference between wanting these kick-butt relationships and actually putting in the work to create these kick-butt relationships.
Those kinds of relationships take time and effort to create. But it is very very possible.
So let’s dive into the deep end of relationships and get started.
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Here Are 11 Pieces of Good Relationship Advice You’ll Be Glad You Read
1) Don’t Lose Yourself
Being in a relationship is great. But don’t forget that you exist outside of that relationship.
You are a complete person with your own interest and hobbies. Your own life.
Becoming part of a “we” is awesome. However, losing the “me” is not so awesome.
Relationships thrive when both people involved consistently make it a point to have their own lives.
2) Unrealistic Expectations
I don’t know about you but my “happily ever after” looks different than I thought it would.
This makes total sense considering that the happily ever afters we saw in movies set us up for disappointment. They introduced us to ideas that simply do not exist.
Marriage is what happens when the movie is over.
We all want to have these beautiful relationships. I get it. But we have to make sure that what we are expecting from our partners or our relationships lives in the realm of reality.
Your partner is not (and never will be) a mind reader.
You will disagree. (many times)
Nothing will ever be perfect. Perfection (in any area of life) is and always will be unattainable.
These types of expectations are dangerous and they can wreak havoc on any relationship.
3) Don’t Settle
Now, let’s look at an idea on the other end of the spectrum.
We just talked about not setting unrealistic expectations. But we also should not just settle if something feels off or if we genuinely have an issue with any aspect of our relationship.
Yes, it is completely unrealistic to expect you and your partner to never argue. This does not in any way mean that anything goes when arguments occur and whatever happens happens.
Many relationships I viewed growing up seemed to have an “it is what it is” feel to them.
There is a better way.
We can have realistic expectations while still having boundaries about what we want and need.
(If you are anything like me, the idea of boundaries can be a bit fuzzy and overwhelming. This book will break down all the ins and outs of boundaries and how we can apply them to our lives.)
4) Avoid Comparison
Do you know what has the power to make you feel pretty lousy about your marriage?
Social media. Instagram (and all the other countless platforms) will make you feel like your marriage is lacking in massive ways.
You see pretty pictures and heartwarming videos and there is only one conclusion you can come to.
Your marriage sucks.
It truly begins to feel as if every other marriage is thriving on so many levels and you must have done something wrong. You must have screwed up.
It starts to feel pretty unfair that other relationships are firing on all cylinders while yours is well…not.
Comparison is normal. We have all done it and we will do it again (many times probably). I do not have some super magical secret that will make sure you never compare again. I’m not Dumbledore over here.
The key is to work on the ability to pivot or shift when comparison comes a-knockin.
Don’t judge your relationship based on snippets of other people’s relationships. This will not serve you well.
And remind yourself incessantly that the only relationship you should truly be concerned with is yours.
5) Learn Together
Neither of you is perfect. Not even close. None of us are.
That means there will always be room for growth. And learning is a fundamental step on the path to growth.
First off, I have to ask you a very important question.
Are you familiar with love languages?
If you are not, then you are in for a treat. Seriously, this is exciting stuff.
This book is a must-read for all couples. It is all about the different ways people give and receive love.
(I am also quite a fan of this one)
There are countless other books or podcasts or articles out there that can not only teach you something but bring you closer in the process.
6) Show Gratitude
As time passes in relationships, we may not notice or acknowledge things our partner does.
I know my husband and I can become like ships passing in the night. We are both just running on fumes sometimes.
And this makes it very easy to kind of go on autopilot. Which most likely means we are only paying attention to the necessities.
If you can relate to this then congratulations. You are human.
Here is a reminder that a heartfelt thank you is often much more powerful than we give it credit for.
Expressing gratitude for anything (big or small) your partner does is a good choice.
7) Check-in Regularly
In my house, we have marriage meetings. I know. I know. That has got to be the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard.
Kidding, of course.
The truth is that building really great relationships comes from doing things that might not seem that appealing.
Hard or awkward conversations. Touchy subjects.
It’s not glamorous but it is necessary.
Schedule a check-in with your partner. Talk about any issues before they grow out of control.
Your relationship will thank you.
P.S. These meetings don’t just have to be a time to talk about the “hard” stuff. Last week, my husband and I used our check-in to plan some fun activities for our upcoming trip to Florida.
8) Work on Yourself
Now, we mentioned earlier about learning and growing together.
But doing this on your own is also a pretty fantastic idea.
We all come into relationships with our own stuff. Our own baggage. And besides having baggage, we are all unique individuals.
We respond and react in our own ways.
Working on yourself is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. It is literally like the gift that keeps on giving.
These personal growth books are seriously good.
9) Spend Time Together
But there are a few little caveats to this.
First, we want to focus on quality over quantity. Many of us do not have loads of time to devote to date nights. That’s ok. Quality over quantity does matter.
I also highly recommend spending time together device free. Talk to each other. Listen to each other.
Sitting on opposite ends of the couch on your phones for 3 hours is not the vibe we are going for here. There is, of course, a time and place for that. (Like when I am trying to level up in my cooking diary game)
These TableTopics are a great tool for sparking some new and fun conversations.
While I love technology, I do have to admit that sometimes I wish I could experience what it was like to live in a time like my grandparents.
The idea of everything not being so accessible feels equal parts strange and wonderful.
This one thing has the power to make or break a relationship.
It is absolutely a giant piece of your marriage foundation. And we all need to treat it that way.
OK, I just realized I may have come on a little too strong with those statements.
But in many relationships, communication is something that is not addressed until it has become a big issue. And by this time, one-and-done conversations to “fix” communication won’t cut it. (honestly, one-and-done conversations rarely “fix anything”)
Do not neglect communication until it has become an issue that requires an enormous amount of effort and attention.
Here are some communication tips you should check out.
11) Don’t Pass The Buck
Do you want to know something I am super good at? Like almost pro-level.
Blaming my husband for anything and everything.
It’s so easy to look over any part I may have played in a situation. I’m like a bulldozer and I drop all the responsibility for an issue right in his lap.
I am sure most of us can relate to some extent.
This “right and wrong” or “win or lose” mentality does not add anything to my marriage. It does quite the opposite actually.
It may be challenging and even uncomfortable to face a part we may have played in a situation. But I guarantee it is better than playing the blame game.
Ok, you now have all the tools to create a relationship that is all sunshine and roses.
Dang, I wish. I really really wish it worked like that.
I do, however, think that the more tools we add to our relationship toolbelt the more chance we have of sunny skies.
Have any good relationship advice you want to share? Drop a comment.
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