How To Build a Healthy Relationship
How To Build a Good Relationship With Your Partner
Hi. How are you? How is your relationship?
No matter your answer to that question, we are going to talk all about how to build a healthy relationship.
Relationships are beautiful, right? But not every single aspect of a relationship will be perfectly put together and beautiful.
Think rose bushes with some pesky thorns.
Thorns are not my idea of a good time but no relationship will be immune from the metaphorical thorns of love and life.
It’s essential to build a strong foundation so one poke from a thorn doesn’t send you or your partner into a tailspin. Or send either of you sprinting for the hills.
Being part of a healthy relationship is not a luxury reserved for only a select group of people. Heck to the NO!
We all want, need, and DESERVE them.
Basically, healthy relationships are the bee’s knees!
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Here Are 5 Ideas All About How To Build a Healthy Relationship
1) Look in the Mirror
This is supposed to be all about relationships. But I am a firm believer that working on ourselves sets the tone and the foundation for building the very best relationships.
It would be an extreme challenge to create this amazingly happy and healthy relationship without working on ourselves in the process.
Now, this is not to say that you need to be perfectly buttoned up in order to build a healthy relationship. Absolutely not. That’s crazy talk. And impossible considering none of us will ever be perfectly buttoned up or unflawed human beings.
Having all your ducks in a row is not a prerequisite for entering into a relationship or for working on improving a relationship you are in.
Personal growth information is everywhere. And the idea of personal growth can maybe feel overwhelming at times.
But think of it as a lifelong journey to continuously prioritize yourself and also get to know yourself.
When we have personal joy and fulfillment and a relationship with ourselves, there is no doubt every other relationship in our lives will feel the positive impacts of this.
These personal growth books are definitely worth the read.
2) Don’t Keep Score
An eye for an eye or tit-for-tat approach will only hinder your relationship.
The overwhelming urge to be “right” is very real. And it is also very dangerous for a relationship. This mentality can almost pit you and your partner against each other.
It’s like a game of tug of war but nobody is going to win. That back and forth can be exhausting.
What we don’t want is for there to become this unspoken tally of who has the upper hand at any given time.
Keeping score for games is great. But relationships aren’t games.
And that little high you get from feeling like you won an argument or discussion is not worth it. It could cost you your relationship in the long run.
Feeling competitive? Play some scrabble instead. Or this card game is a favorite in my house. (it is technically a game for kids but I promise it is fun for adults too)
3) Be Realistic
I think we can become ultra-focused and almost obsessed with this vision of how we think our relationships should be.
It is always a plus to have goals for your relationship. It is awesome to strive to keep growing as a couple. But we must be realistic with our expectations.
Ups and downs are just part of the gig. Turbulence comes with the territory.
Every single person out there is different. This means people bring their differing opinions and personalities to a relationship.
Our partners will never be perfect (and neither will we). Our partners may let us down or disappoint us. And vice versa.
Our partners are not mind readers. They will not always respond or react to situations in the way we might want them to. And again, vice versa.
I know from personal experience that we can get very caught up on “shoulds”. Focusing on “shoulds” holds us back from focusing on actual solutions to any issues we may face.
Focusing on how things should be can also hold us back from truly enjoying and appreciating our partner and our relationship.
4) Check-in
And make sure to do this on a regular basis.
In my house, we have marriage meetings. This might not sound romantic or sexy.
But we all know that there are many aspects of relationships that are not romantic and definitely not at all sexy.
Checking in with your partner consistently will keep communication lines open and operating smoothly.
Little things will pile up and become big, insurmountable problems if they get brushed under the rug.
It is easy to avoid things that truly need our attention.
You don’t always have to be on the same exact page as your partner but maybe you can wind up somewhere in the same chapter.
Also, check-ins do not only need to be a time when negative things are brought up. It is a time to bring up anything and everything you or your partner want to. No rules.
P.S. If you have not read this book about love languages, definitely do it ASAP. There is a quiz in this book that can bring an abundance of clarity to your relationship. This is a fun activity to add to a check-in.
5) Look For Help
Now, this might sound like I am saying to go out right now and look for a therapist or counselor. And I do strongly encourage you to do that if you feel that would benefit your relationship.
But this is more about using other resources that we all have available to us.
Relationships are not a one-way ride down easy street. It is our responsibility to load up our invisible relationship toolbelt. Loading up this belt is essential.
It can give your relationship a leg up.
My favorite thing to use is books. There are so many absolutely amazing books out there. Books about specific aspects of marriage. Books that dive deep into ways to improve ourselves. (here are some of my faves)
Remember how earlier I mentioned that healthy relationships are the bee’s knees? Well, books would also be labeled as such.
There are also SO MANY podcasts about relationships.
What this really boils down to is learning. None of us know it all. And we never will.
If there is information that can show us a better way shouldn’t we use that information?
Duh. The answer is YES!
We are all flawed people. And we inevitably bring our flaws and imperfections to a relationship.
The good news is we have more power than we often think we do.
Most of us may have some (or quite a bit in my case) experience with getting stuck in this pocket of feeling as if things just are the way they are. Whether this is on a personal level with ourselves or with our relationships with others.
We all may need a little nudge every now and then.
Here is your small reminder.
You can always learn. You can always grow and evolve and change your path. And the same is true for your relationship.
One more important thing to remember.
Time will pass no matter what. So think about what you want that time to be spent on.
Have any tips on how to build a healthy relationship?
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