How To Get Your Marriage Back on Track
How To Get Things Back To Normal in A Relationship
Before we talk about how to get your marriage back on track, let me ask you a couple of questions.
Yep, we are starting with questions.
One of these questions is simple and straight forward.
The other question is simple too but it’s more about my curiosity.
What happened?
Have you ever thought this in regards to your marriage?
See. Super simple and straight forward question.
Now, for the question that might bring you back to your childhood.
Did you ever wear your Grandma’s glasses around when you were little?
Well, I did and I could not see a dang thing. But I sure loved putting those oversized babies on and pretending I was a sophisticated adult!
I was walking around blind but that didn’t stop me for a second.
That’s kind of what it’s like when you look at your marriage and don’t recognize it. Except you can’t just slip the glasses off to clear things up.
Or maybe you know your marriage isn’t where it could be but it seems good enough.
My marriage is good enough. Not amazing but I should be grateful. I know I have had these exact thoughts.
Let me tell you one of the most important things I have learned from a decade of marriage.
Don’t settle for a checklist marriage.
You deserve better than that!
We can often convince ourselves that things are good because certain criteria are met.
Bills are paid. There is food is on the table. We rarely yell at each other. Date nights happen.
We look at things like that and make the leap that our marriage is good. Everything about our marriage is completely acceptable.
And don’t get me wrong. Those are important aspects of your life and your relationship. I mean, date nights for the win, am I right?
But if that’s the criteria you rate your marriage on, things may always feel a little off track.
Matters of the heart are raw and messy and go a lot deeper than bills and food and date nights here and there.
So what steps do you take to figure out how to get your marriage back on track?
Here Are 7 Tips on How To Get Your Marriage Back on Track
1) Be Nice
OK, maybe I should specify a little more. Be nicer!
Think basic manners.
Over time, in any relationship, the way two people act toward each other and treat each other can get a little more lenient. This is completely normal.
The comfort level has changed.
And this is amazing in so many ways. Gone are the days of being horrified if our partner caught a glimpse of a hairy armpit.
But in regards to the kindness department, things can suffer a bit.
Sometimes, I do a little check-in with myself and reflect on how I have been treating my husband.
Have I been nice and patient? Maybe a little snippy? Have I been hurling criticism grenades his way daily?
This comes down to being much more aware of your behavior and daily interactions with your partner.
Awareness is the first step and then comes the effort to make some positive changes.
2) Things Can Be This and That
Don’t get sucked into the vortex of thinking everything is bad.
When you hit a little rough patch, it is easy to fall down the rabbit hole of darkness.
But marriages are much more than one thing. And things can be good and bad. Hard and easy.
Your marriage will never be just one thing.
At any given time, there may be an area your marriage is struggling with and also an area your marriage is thriving in. That’s how it goes.
Be careful not to give your entire marriage a negative description every time a struggle shows up.
3) Have a Marriage Meeting
Have you ever had a marriage meeting?
It’s exactly what it sounds like. A meeting with your partner to talk about your marriage.
This has been one of those things that I wish I would have started doing years ago.
Starting these meetings has been one of the best decisions for my marriage. And the positive impact has been really amazing.
Have you ever wanted to talk about something but you kept putting it off for some reason? You might not even be sure why.
It just never seemed like the right time. You planned to bring it up but then you guys start watching a movie and you told yourself you would talk about it tomorrow.
But will you really talk about it tomorrow?
A marriage meeting is a set time each week to talk about anything and everything that is going on.
I highly suggest writing a few things down that you want to talk about. This is great for staying on topic. Which is something I struggle with!
The core idea here is to start handling things as they come up rather than letting little arguments or issues build and build.
Think in terms of laundry. Would you rather fold one load of laundry or be buried underneath 8 loads?
Plan a time to have a marriage meeting of your own and then make that meeting a priority!
4) Take a Look in the Mirror
A little self-improvement is bound to have an impact on your marriage! How could it not?
Take a step back from making your marriage front and center and work on yourself.
Internal issues will show up in your relationship. Your personal struggles will without a doubt have an impact on your marriage.
And that’s how it is supposed to be. You are never expected to show up for your relationship as a perfect person with no baggage.
But making the decision to focus on personal growth is always a positive choice.
And I really just love getting to know myself a little better.
These are my absolute favorite personal development books! I have read them all multiple times and I just can’t get enough.
5) “Baby” Your Marriage
Treat your marriage as if it is fragile.
This can make you more careful with your words. More careful with your actions.
Now, I know this might seem a little strange to treat your marriage like a fancy vase you have.
The word fragile doesn’t come to mind when we think about building a strong marriage.
This is more about the idea of not kicking someone when they are down.
If your marriage is feeling a little vulnerable, then treat it accordingly.
Challenging times are the perfect time for a little more care and tenderness.
6) Look Forward and Move Forward
The past has a nasty way of lingering. We can all relate to this.
The past is so easy to bring up. But the problem with bringing up the past is that it prevents you from truly moving forward.
And don’t mistake this for not handling things that are bothering you. I am all about open communication and dealing with problems fully.
But holding on for dear life to the past can and will do damage to your marriage and damage to you.
Keep things relevant. Are your words relevant to moving the conversation forward or are they just a fall back because you don’t see a clear path?
When we feel a little backed into a corner, we start grasping for things to get us unstuck.
Look ahead to what you want to happen. And make decisions that help you move in that direction.
7) Slow and Steady
We can often have the mindset that we need fast solutions. Fast results.
A fast fix is appealing. I get it.
But I do not think there is a fast way to build a good marriage. There’s no shortcut to marital bliss.
When we choose to work on something in our marriage, we really have to work at it. A one and done discussion is not going to do the trick.
In my marriage, this really comes down to patience. Ugh. Not my strong suit. Not at all.
Don’t just throw some nice words at an issue. Get down and dirty and truly navigate the way through and fully resolve it.
The extra time put into this is well worth it. And this is also about consistency. Marriages are built on the things we do on a consistent basis.
Baby steps in the right direction are much more valuable than big blindfolded jumps.
Marriage is a walk in the park.
Will there be flowers? Yes. Will there be beautiful trees? Definitely!
Will there be clear and sunny skies? Sure!
Will there also be some mud puddles and swarms of bees? Yep.
Marriage really is a walk in the park. It just won’t always be the same park.
Have any advice on how to get your marriage back on track? Drop a comment!
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