How To Have A Good Relationship With Your Spouse: 12 Ideas That Are Sure To Help You
Good Relationship Tips
Can you define what makes a good relationship?
Do you know the exact steps to follow to learn how to have a good relationship?
I do. Sort of. Kind of. To a point.
We are all different. Every person individually and every relationship. And there’s tons of different relationship advice out there. SO MUCH ADVICE.
Advice overload is right at your fingertips.
Want to know the best part about relationships and that overload of advice available to you?
There is no one right way to create a good relationship. To build a happy and healthy relationship. There are options, people. One path does not fit all.
Something that works in my marriage may not have the same impact on your relationship.
Things are good. This is an answer so many of us give when asked how we are doing. Or when asked about work or our relationships. Life in general.
This article is a way to check-in and make sure things are actually good!
That word rolls off the tongue so nicely. I’m good. We’re good. He’s good.
I think it is important to take a look behind the curtain. Dig around all the nooks and crannies of your relationship.
Be sure your relationship is truly going good. Maybe even really good! Or dare I say great.
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Here Are 12 Tips on How To Have A Good Relationship
Personal growth is kind of my thing. Just ask my husband.
I am always trying to impart my wisdom on to him. Basically, I put on a TED Talk and he is my one-man audience.
I can’t help it. Anything that has to do with self-improvement gets me fired up.
It makes perfect sense that focusing on yourself will improve your relationship with your partner. Heck, it can improve all the relationships in your life.
Bring your best self to the table. These books will help you do that!
2) Say Sorry
An apology is taking responsibility for something you said or did. It is an acknowledgment on your part. And it is a powerful tool that is not used enough.
There is this one word that is notorious for following an apology. Do you know what word I am talking about? I bet you do. And I bet you have said it not long after saying sorry. I know I have.
I am sorry for this or that. And then that word just comes out. It’s right there on your tongue. You have to say it. Yeah, I know the feeling.
Listen up. Apologies can be hard. They can make us feel a colorful array of emotions.
They can also make a hard situation a little bit better.
Honest and sincere apologies should not be underestimated.
I can vividly remember wanting to marry a “bad boy” when I was a teenager. All the shows and movies I was obsessed with had that one guy. The one that rode a motorcycle and seemed a little mysterious.
Flash forward to now. I am well into my 30’s, have a daughter and the thought of a “bad boy” is terrifying.
Do you know what is sexy?
Reliability. Being able to count on someone. Knowing your partner’s words mean something. They are not just words.
BTW… there’s nothing wrong with motorcycles as long as helmets are involved!
But being reliable and being able to rely on your partner is great for your relationship.
4) Keep it Exciting
In the early stages of a relationship, things are naturally exciting. You don’t really have to do much to create it.
It’s just there. Strong and present. Almost as strong and present as the amount of perfume I used to put on. You live and you learn.
That excitement may slow down a bit as the years go on. That’s normal.
You just have to put a little effort in to create it. It’s easy to fall into routines around work or kids.
Try something new. Go to a new restaurant. Do something that you have always talked about doing.
Go out of your comfort zone.
Find ways (big and small) to inject some excitement into that relationship of yours.
5) Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude
I felt like typing it three times had a stronger impact. Did it? Maybe say it as an enthusiastic chant and it will be even more impactful.
Anyway, whether you want to chant or not is completely up to you. But I’m going to insist you add some more gratitude to your relationship.
Be on the lookout for things to be thankful for. Things you can show appreciation for.
Many days, I find myself calling out every issue or little annoyance I see. And I am looking over anything positive.
We should all be showing gratitude to our partners. We should all be voicing things we appreciate. The big things. The tiny things. And everything in between.
This is easier said than done. Boy, do I know?
This may sound a little silly but sometimes I give myself some homework.
My homework will be to tell my lovely husband at least 1 thing I am grateful for. Try it for yourself.
It is a great way to make yourself look for those little moments or little gestures throughout the day that you may be normally missing.
6) Sweat The Small Stuff Less
My husband throws his socks next to the hamper. Right next to it. So close to it that at this point I am convinced he is doing it on purpose. Well, I moved the hamper to the basement. Jokes on him.
Oh, wait. Now, I just walk his socks downstairs so maybe the joke is on me.
But you know what I don’t do? I don’t let it ruin my day. I don’t let it start a pointless argument.
There is one thing I know for a fact. Early in the stages of our relationship, I did not give any thought to where he threw his socks.
Dang, that was a story about socks that went on for way too long.
But hopefully, you get the point.
The small stuff can be annoying. And it’s not realistic to think those little things will never drive you crazy.
Be sure you don’t spend all your energy on the stuff that, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t really matter.
Oh, and I have something I must admit. I almost always leave the kitchen cabinets open (which bugs my husband). Sometimes, even on purpose.
7) Focus on Solutions
Focusing on a problem is easy. Especially when it is fresh and right at the front of your mind.
Change the lens a little and make sure the goal is to find a solution.
How can we improve in this area? What can we do?
Many times a discussion can be like playing hot potato with the problem. We pass it back and forth and back and forth.
But hot potato is not going to help you come to a productive solution.
Remember that usually you and your partner have the same goal in mind. You probably just have different ideas on how to get there.
Come together! That’s the only way you make any progress.
8) Don’t Hold a Grudge
Do you know what holding a grudge most likely means?
It means you are not over whatever situation the grudge is about.
And this can be like a dead weight dragging your relationship down.
I can remember more than one occasion where I have held onto something that has happened. I have put it in my back pocket and I know I am going to use it as ammunition in the future.
And you know what? It might feel good for a few minutes. You feel powerful. You feel like you have something to hold over your partner’s head.
But do you know what this actually does? It makes you feel worse. I know it makes me feel worse. Holding onto this means it is still bothering me. Which means I am not over it.
Bringing it up over and over is just reliving the pain. This is no fun for either person involved.
Get to the root of the problem.
And then leave the past in the past. A grudge is good for nothing!
9) Be Honest… Not Cruel
I’m just being honest. I don’t want to hurt your feelings.
Ever heard anything like this?
I have always thought those sentences were used as an excuse to be mean. A way to get a little dig in.
They sound nice. But are they really?
Listen up! I am all about being honest. But you can be honest and still be respectful. You can be honest without being mean.
Watch your words. They are powerful weapons.
10) Weekly Meetings
Set up a meeting. Try clapping while you say those four words.
And then after you clap, really set up that meeting.
Having a weekly (or bi-weekly, or monthly) meeting will be a game-changer for your relationship. I know it has been for mine.
Pick a set time and place to bring things to the table. It can be a perfect time to talk about things you might otherwise put off. Like finances. Or intimacy.
You could even have a meeting and look at a marriage book together. Check out this book that every couple should read! Seriously!
This one and this one are pretty great too!
Turn the TV off. Put that phone away.
Technology is great. But there is a time and a place for it.
And that time is not when your partner is trying to talk to you. Or trying to show you something.
Make sure your partner is not competing with your phone (or any other technology) for your attention.
12) Enjoy The Ride
It will always be this way.
That is how I felt the day I married my husband. We will always be this happy. This excited about each other and the life we are about to start together.
I know. I know.
The hopeless romantic in me will never fully go away.
Anyone who has been in any type of long term relationship knows the truth. We know that that feeling of being in love will change and evolve over time.
There will be times we will look at our relationship and it will not be what we had envisioned.
Do you know what you need to do?
Strap in and enjoy the ride.
I say we should appreciate the highs and appreciate the lows.
The lows give us a chance to improve and grow. The lows also cause you to more aware and much more appreciative of the highs.
Don’t skate past the bad hoping to get to the good. Navigate your way through it all with your spouse at your side.
Marriage can become like stale bread. Still edible. But not really hitting the spot.
We all know fresh bread makes for a much better sandwich. And in this case a much better relationship.
Show up for your marriage! Always choose to show up.
Have any tips on how to have a good relationship? I’d love to hear them!
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