How To Have a Great Marriage: 14 Things That Will Definitely Help You
How To Make Marriage Better
Married life is great.
How many times have you heard someone say this?
Let me rephrase that.
How many times have you heard someone say that and sensed they were being a little sarcastic?
Well, we are going to talk about how to have a great marriage and there won’t be much sarcasm.
I mean, there’s always room for jokes and silliness and all that jazz in every marriage.
But it’s all about the context it is used in.
I can vividly remember family members talking about how great marriage was. While at the same time, they were naming things that did not sound too great.
Like if someone says a meal is great but then dives right into all the things they didn’t like about it.
They would say things about money. Things about freedom. An under the breath comment that was probably a little inappropriate for my pre-teen ears.
Wait, so marriage is not great? I was confused.
And sure, sometimes a joke is just a joke. No hidden meaning behind it.
But sometimes I think there is a hidden meaning behind a joke or a comment that is supposed to get a laugh.
Where’s the best place to hide a little truth? Somewhere it is accompanied by a little laughter.
Where we can play it off. Where we can add a “just kidding” to the end of a sentence and move right along.
Now, don’t go thinking I am a serious gal that frowns on sarcasm or jokes. Heck no!
But I don’t want my marriage to be the butt of the joke.
And I am also pretty dang passionate about having a really great marriage.
There are no perfect marriages. We know this. But there are really great marriages.
I’m sure of it!
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Here Are 14 Tips on How To Have a Great Marriage
1) Marriage Meetings
A marriage meeting! That sounds fun, doesn’t it?
OK, maybe it does not sound like an enjoyable time, but I promise you that these marriage meetings can have such a positive impact on your relationship.
This is a set time every week that is all about communication. Open and honest communication.
This is the perfect time to bring any and every issue to the table. Maybe issues that you would normally just keep to yourself.
This is also just a really good way to touch base with your partner and see where their head is at.
One thing I love to do is keep a notebook of things I want to go over at these meetings. If you are anything like me, you can think of an idea and then it literally disappears from your mind 30 seconds later.
A lot! So much!
Laughing with your partner can work wonders! I know this for a fact.
Some of the best nights with my husband have been spent watching a funny movie or a comedian. This sounds so simple but just sitting next to each other on the couch laughing makes us feel closer.
Also, don’t miss the small moments throughout the day when you can laugh together. This could be a funny face across the room or a dance party while getting ready in the morning.
Humor is just so powerful!
Want to know how your partner feels?
Want to know their opinion?
If we are not asking then we might be assuming.
And assuming too much can get you in some trouble.
Assuming is easy. It takes no time at all. I don’t think anyone does this with bad intentions either.
We see things from our perspective and of course, we create some assumptions on where we think our spouse is coming from.
How many times have you assumed your partner felt a certain way about a situation and been wrong?
Yikes. This has happened to me more times than I can count.
I work on this every single day.
ASK! Just ask.
I say this to myself over and over when something is bothering me and I find myself getting sucked down that rabbit hole of assumptions.
4) Love Languages
Do you know your partner’s love language?
A few years ago, this question would have had me confused. Wondering what the heck a love language was.
A love language is basically all about how your partner gives and receives love.
Read this book!!!
It goes into love languages in great detail. And it really will be an amazing tool for your marriage.
(this book is definitely worth a read too)
5) Blame Game
I am a pro at pointing out where my husband went wrong. And I know I am not alone in this.
Let’s be honest. It is beyond easy to tell your partner where they messed up in a situation.
It is not always so easy to see the part we played.
But I have learned from personal experience that going back and forth and pointing out what the other person did wrong does not help solve anything. If anything, it makes the situation worse.
This comes down to being able to have a discussion that is not fueled by blame.
It is not always easy for a couple to each take responsibility for the part they played in a situation. But I think taking responsibility is a step in the right direction.
It takes the focus off of blame and gets us that much closer to understanding.
This is my Achilles heel.
Talking is where I shine. I mean, I think this might be true for a lot of us.
Heck, once I get started sometimes I just can’t stop.
But I am not always the best listener. I am a work in progress people!
Really listening to your partner is one of the best things you can do for your marriage. It makes someone feel seen and heard and respected.
Practice listening. Listening without interrupting. Listening to understand and not just respond.
Do not underestimate how much impact the level of listening going on can have on your marriage.
7) I’m Right/You’re Wrong
Arguing to be right will get you nowhere.
Trust me, I have tried. Many times! So many times!
I could go on and on about this but I won’t.
I will tell you this. When you are having a heated discussion or argument, take the words right and wrong out of play. Just don’t use them.
It is highly unlikely that those two simple words will help a discussion end on a good note.
Speak from facts. Speak about how you feel toward the situation.
Will this be a surefire way to make every argument end in a positive light? Not likely.
But it will help.
8) Press Pause
Knowing when to press pause is one of the most challenging parts of marriage. At least it is in my marriage.
It takes practice. So much practice.
I used to think everything had to be solved right now. Nothing could be left until the next day.
I was very wrong.
Sometimes a break or a step back is the best thing you can do for your marriage.
9) Choose Where You Spend Energy
And you need to choose very wisely.
I leave the kitchen cabinets open all the time.
My husband leaves the lights on almost every time he leaves the bathroom.
These things are annoying.
But I started thinking of my energy like money in a wallet.
There is only so much money in there, right? It’s not endless.
Not for me at least!
Don’t spend all your energy on the things that don’t really matter. The things that don’t deserve your energy.
If you waste your energy on the insignificant things you might not have any energy left for the places it is truly needed.
10) Put The Broom Away
No sweeping things under the rug.
Remember that thing we talked about earlier? Marriage meetings.
I think that is the best way to stop sweeping things under the rug.
Talk about things when they happen rather than hide them away and try to forget about them.
Because we all know those issues can come back at times we least expect them to.
You and your spouse are not the same person. You don’t share the same brain.
Do you know what this means?
You are going to feel differently about situations and have different opinions and ways of looking at things.
Do you see the point we are getting at? You are going to disagree.
And that’s not a bad thing.
I’m not talking about screaming and name-calling.
I’m talking about being able to see and feel two completely different ways.
And being able to talk about that.
Disagreeing is allowing there to be room for the way you both feel.
This one always seems like such an obvious idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone knows they should go on dates and spend one on one time with their partner.
But do we actually do that?
Do we make dating a priority? Or is it one of those things that end up pretty low on our list of very important things?
It may not always feel like dating is something we should put so much importance on. It may not always feel like something that is truly important.
But it is! It really is!
Choosing to date your spouse is one of the best things you can do for your marriage.
(These TableTopics would be the perfect addition to an at-home date night.)
13) Don’t Let Other Opinions Weigh Too Heavy
Other people will always have an opinion about you. About your marriage. About the choices you make or the way you live.
There is no way around this.
But don’t allow another opinion about your marriage to impact your opinion of your marriage.
Your marriage deserves to be celebrated. Anniversaries come around once a year.
One day out of how many? There are 365 days in a year and we celebrate on one of those days.
That just seems completely ridiculous.
Well, wait a minute. There is also Valentine’s Day. And maybe a few other days when we are supposed to celebrate the one we love.
But what about celebrating on a random Wednesday?
Celebrate your relationship more. No need to wait for a date on the calendar.
I encourage you to celebrate your marriage for no reason at all. Just because it deserves to be celebrated.
Having a great marriage is not something that only exists in a romantic comedy.
Great marriages are not like unicorns.
They do exist! Well, I guess I haven’t fully given up hope that unicorns exist but you get the point.
You deserve a great marriage. A healthy and happy marriage. A marriage that gets you fired up and excites you.
And having a great marriage does not mean that everything is great all the time. Things will still be hard and messy and exhausting.
And that’s OK. Don’t ever mistake great for perfect.
Do you have any tips on how to have a great marriage? I would love to hear them!
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