How To Have A Healthy Marriage: 10 Tips Your Marriage Needs
What Makes A Healthy Marriage?
Ready to talk all about how to have a healthy marriage?
Great, me too! Let’s dive right in!
First, let’s make one thing very clear.
Your marriage is unique.
Every marriage is.
So this means every marriage is going to have a different recipe for what makes things work smoothly.
A little of this. A pinch of that. Voila. Healthy marriage.
OK, maybe it is not that simple but you get the point.
It’s about doing things that create a marriage that has both people involved feeling happy, healthy and fulfilled.
When it comes to the question of what makes a healthy marriage, there is no one straight forward answer that will get you to your destination.
Difficulty in marriage can trickle over to make other areas of your life not nearly as enjoyable. That’s why it is so crucial to put in the effort to create a marriage that is adding to your life.
Now, do not get discouraged and start thinking that we are talking about perfection here. Heck no, friend. Take that word out of your vocabulary.
You can build a dream marriage. You can build a marriage that you are proud of. But perfection is not on the table.
Every relationship will face setbacks and challenges. And all the work and effort in the world won’t stop this.
Stop thinking of the way things are supposed to be. Instead, start thinking of how you want (and need) things to be (and these tips are going to help you on your journey).
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Here Are 10 Tips on How To Have A Healthy Marriage
1) Let Go
Let go of unrealistic expectations. Which only set your marriage up for failure.
Let go of little annoyances or arguments. If those things won’t matter a few days from now, just let them go.
Let go of thinking things are supposed to be a certain way.
And definitely let go of the need to be right (more on this below).
I may need to get that last one tattooed on my body. Come on! Who doesn’t love being right?
Hold on to the good things. Fill up on the good stuff.
And let go of the small, trivial things that do not serve your marriage in any way.
Now, let me make one thing very clear.
This idea of letting go is NOT at all about sweeping things under the rug. NO WAY!
Things that matter to you or any important issue should be dealt with.
But I highly suggest letting go of things that don’t deserve to be taking up space in your mind or in your life.
2) Less Trying To Be Right
That longing desire to be right is going to create tension in your marriage.
A need to be right can turn any situation into a full-blown boxing match. Both people are taking swings back and forth. And when this happens, that need to be right has become more important than finding a solution or coming to a compromise.
I am all for sticking to your guns. I am all about voicing how you feel and having strong opinions.
But the right/wrong concept can turn a simple disagreement into an all-out war. I know this from experience.
We can get very caught up with this. And then we are suddenly on the hamster wheel and we can’t get off.
Try not to take the I am right/you are wrong stance. Try working together instead of butting heads.
3) Little Things
Notice and appreciate the little things.
Your marriage will not look like a scene from a romantic comedy. Well, at least not all the time.
It may look like reheating your cold coffee (for the third time). Finding socks shoved in between the couch cushions. Taking longer to pick something to watch on Netflix than it takes to actually watch whatever you end up choosing.
Marriage is full of the mundane. This is true.
So you have to keep your eyes open wide or you might miss the little things. Those little things that normally slip right past you.
A funny text. A 20-second dance around the kitchen. Butt grabs and quick kisses on the cheek.
Find joy in the little things.
They are happening much more often than we notice.
I feel like we hear this all the time. Date your spouse. Never stop dating your spouse.
It can feel like this idea is drilled into us from all angles. But there’s a reason.
If my husband and I start getting short with each other or bickering more than usual, I almost always try to think of the last time we went on a date.
And it has usually been awhile. When we are at each other’s throats a little more than usual, that is when we need to plan a date night ASAP.
I know for many people (myself included), this is not always an easy task. There’s finding the time or finding a sitter. Maybe finances are tight.
It is easy to brush off dating. It’s easy to let it be a part of our marriage that we don’t put much importance on.
But the reality is that dating is important. Very important.
Plan a date right now. Make the time to reconnect with your spouse.
5) Don’t Forget About Yourself
Don’t lose yourself in the marriage.
You are not just a wife or a parent. You are a person.
Work on yourself. You should still have goals and dreams that are just for you.
Make sure you are not looking to another person as your only source of happiness or fulfillment.
Be happy with yourself.
These personal growth books are my absolute favorites! Check them out!
6) Change is Inevitable
I am not a fan of change. If I made a list of my favorite things, change would not be on that list. At least not anywhere near the top.
But change is one of those things that is always going to be a part of your life. And a part of your marriage.
I struggle with this. And to be honest, I think I always will.
The key is to find ways to deal with change in a way that does not leave you feeling helpless or lost.
We can run from change but unfortunately, we can’t hide.
So, it is up to us to try our best to see the good in change. To see the possibilities change could bring into our lives.
I know from experience that change can be positive. I saw a picture of myself from high school the other day and I was covered in glitter. Need I say more?
7) Speak Your Mind
It is OK to disagree. I highly recommend it actually.
If you are not having disagreements, then it is likely that one person in the relationship is holding back on how they feel. They want to just keep the peace so they think biting their tongue is the route to go.
This way of doing things is sure to backfire at some point.
A healthy relationship should be a safe place to say how you feel. You should be able to have a disagreement without it turning into a screaming match.
(BTW: Screaming matches may happen from time to time. We are all human!)
8) Be Kind
This is something I say to my daughter all the dang time.
I tell her three things when I drop her off at school.
I love you. Have a great day. Be kind.
I need to be saying that last one to myself. Kindness is not always the first word that comes to mind when I think about how I treat my husband.
And I think this is a pretty common issue in many relationships. We are not always treating those closest to us the way we should be.
This is not about plastering on a happy face. Holding in negative thoughts or emotions.
This is about manners. Plain and simple!
Don’t underestimate the power of being kind and respectful to your partner.
9) Love Languages
Read this book. Please! Please! Pretty please!
It is all about the different ways people give and receive love. And it has been a game-changer in my marriage.
I wish I would have read this book 10 years ago.
10) Have Fun
When was the last time you had fun with your spouse?
Going through the motions can easily become a way of life. The same routines are followed. It can start to feel like we are part robot.
Go have some fun.
Turn on some music and dance. Watch something funny and laugh. Go for a run together and the winner gets a back rub.
Yes, we all have responsibilities. Things we have to do. Life is full of very serious things.
I think it is also our responsibility to make sure we are having fun and actually enjoying our lives with those around us.
Thriving marriages still have hard times. Successful marriages face challenges.
Marriage is not ever just one thing. Some days are hard. Some days make you feel so blessed you could burst.
I think half the battle is being open to new ideas that can help us improve our marriage and make our lives better.
The other half is applying those ideas. Giving them a real shot.
Healthy marriages take practice. So go practice.
Make the choice today to do something good for your marriage.
Have any tips on how to have a healthy marriage? Definitely Share!
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A very nice and useful post. Thanks for writing. Highly Appreciated.