How To Heal a Relationship After a Fight
Reconnecting After a Big Fight
Fights. Disagreements. Heated discussions.
These things are going to happen in a relationship.
But it is crucial to know how to heal a relationship after a fight.
The way you come together and repair really sets the tone for the health and happiness of your entire relationship.
Now, if every single disagreement we had went off without a hitch then there would be no reason to have to come back together for some relationship maintenance.
But arguments, where both people involved use their best manners at all times, are not very likely?
Fights where both people involved remain calm, collected, and thoughtful. NOPE. Never going to happen.
After all, we are humans and not robots last time I checked!
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Here Are 6 Tips on How To Heal a Relationship After a Fight
1) Are You Both Ready?
The amount of time and space you both need before you are ready to start the repair process will be different.
I think we can all agree that breaks are necessary but they are also hard as heck. At least for me.
Safe to say that my husband needs a little bit more time and a lot more space than I do after a fight.
Make sure each person involved has had enough time and is completely ready to come back together. If both people are not ready, then true healing and moving forward will be much more challenging.
BTW… during one of those breaks you could always pick up a book. Books are a great tool that can seriously help your relationship. This one is a must-read!
2) Take Responsibility
Please do not think that by mentioning responsibility I am saying that you should just say sorry and take all the fault for the fight ever happening.
Heck no! That would not solve a dang thing.
But I think it is important to take a step back and look at the part we played in an argument.
Coming to a discussion with this mentality can have a much more positive outcome. If we come together to repair and just end up playing the blame game then there will be NO actual repairing going on.
This piggybacks right on to the idea of taking responsibility.
You know what is SO EASY to do?
Point the finger! Put the blame on the other person.
But too many “you” statements can feel like an attack. And they are also usually not completely accurate. So many “you” statements can really just be assumptions we are making.
It is much more effective to use “I” statements when expressing your opinions and feelings.
4) Don’t Put a Band-Aid on it
Some arguments will be pretty easy to move on from. Some small arguments won’t really even require people to come back together and heal.
(I’m talking about those silly arguments that happened when someone was just a little hangry!)
And some…. well..some will not be so easy to move on from and will definitely require some extra attention.
There will be situations where finding an actual solution to an issue will take some work. And in these times, it can be tempting to want to slap a band-aid on whatever is wrong and move the heck on.
You have probably had times like this before. I know I have.
Times where I throw out a half-hearted apology and say I know where my husband is coming from. The reality was I did not see where he was coming from but there was a pint of ice cream in the freezer calling my name and I was just DONE with the conversation.
A band-aid can feel like a good option sometimes. But it always backfires. ALWAYS!
Dig in and really do the work to truly heal.
Let me add a little to that.
You need to listen to understand.
If you and your partner got into a fight, then it is safe to say that there was a misunderstanding.
Misunderstandings and communication go hand in hand. And one giant part of communication is listening. More specifically, active listening.
Not just the listening where we heard a few keywords and then start getting our response ready. I am guilty of this.
Really, truly listening to someone is hard. It takes practice. And even with practice, we are never going to be perfect at it. Add some big emotions into a situation and listening becomes even more of a struggle.
Try repeating back the point you think your partner was trying to make and see if they agree. This makes me listen more attentively and it is also a great way to work on communication in general.
6) Find The Positive
This might sound strange to you but hear me out.
It is something that my husband and I have been trying.
We try to each name something positive that came from whatever fight we had.
Maybe this was one of us learning something new about the other. Maybe this was us having a breakthrough as a couple.
It is not always easy to find something positive in a situation that was painful. But it is possible.
And wrapping something up on a positive note is never a bad idea!
Most fights are not going to make or break your relationship. But I know it sure can feel that way.
Fights are bound to happen. Just make sure that healing is happening too!
Check out Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel for a deeper look at ways to help your relationship!
Do you have any tips on how to heal a relationship after a fight? Make sure to share!
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