Qualities of Successful Couples: 11 Things To Think About
Characteristics of a Successful Marriage
Want to know the secret to marital bliss?
Me too. So if you know it, please fill a sista in!
We all know that there is no secret formula to make a marriage work.
These qualities of successful couples can definitely help your marriage become happier, healthier and stronger.
You and your partner just have to put in the effort!
Your marriage boat has been rocked. And chances are it will be rocked again.
Marriage is a beautiful beast. At times, it may feel heavy on the beast and light on the beauty!
These tips and ideas will help you appreciate the beauty in your relationship and slay the beast (for the most part).
All of this was inspired by my own marriage and what my husband and I do to keep things running as smoothly as possible.
I hope this motivates you to take a look at your relationship and notice areas that are due for a little tune-up.
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Here Are 11 Qualities of Successful Couples
1) They Speak Up
One of the main things I have learned from my 13 years of marriage is that I did not marry a mind reader.
I have to use my voice. Use my mouth. Use my words.
If something is wrong, speak up. If something is stressing you out, speak up.
Holding things in will almost always end badly. And holding things in can cause them to blow up and transform into bigger, more intimidating issues.
There is a flip side to this speaking up concept. We should also be speaking up when it comes to the positives.
Are we pointing out the good in our partners? Are we complimenting? If you have a positive thought about your partner then you need to tell them!
Being open with the good, the bad and the ugly will work wonders for your relationship.
2) Have Rules
You read that right. Rules.
That may seem a little odd. But my husband and I came up with a few rules together and they have really made a difference in our marriage.
Here are a few of the rules that we try to follow in our marriage.
No name-calling. When it gets to this point, there is not a very high chance of having a productive conversation. Emotions are too high and we need to take a breather and come back to it at a later time.
No interrupting. My husband came up with this rule. I may have a slight (okay major) problem with interrupting. This is a great way for me to work on my listening skills.
No comparing. I wish I could say that comparing never happens in my relationship. But I am human, friend. And so is my hubby. But we do make a strong effort to catch ourselves when the comparison bug bites.
Would these rules help your marriage in any way? If they don’t really apply, come up with a few of your own that you feel your marriage could benefit from.
BTW: This book is all about rules in marriage and it is so dang good. It is full of real-life examples that we can all relate to!
3) Don’t Threaten
Threats have no place in a marriage.
Years ago, I was the queen of threats. If there was a Threats 101 class in school, I would have been a star student.
Don’t threaten divorce. Don’t threaten to leave. Unless you have thought long and hard and you really are considering leaving the relationship.
When it comes to threats, it is all about power. I know for me I wanted to feel like I had the power or the upper hand in my marriage.
But, as you can guess, threats never helped my marriage improve for the better.
Can you guess what did help my marriage?
The elimination of threats.
4) Don’t Avoid
No one likes the hard stuff. But avoiding it only makes things worse.
If you have something heavy on your mind or your heart, try this one thing I do.
Grab a journal or any random piece of paper and write out what’s going on. Write out in detail how you feel.
This always helps me clear the clutter and get my thoughts at least a little less chaotic and a little more organized.
Putting things off that are uncomfortable to talk about may not seem like such a big deal in the short term. But more often than not those feelings will make an appearance again in the long term.
And then the thought of bringing them up may literally feel impossible.
5) Date
Listen up. We could all come up with about 62 reasons right now to explain why date nights are not happening.
But let’s not. Let’s do better. I am not saying that planning and actually going out on a date night is easy.
For many people, it takes a hefty load of time and effort to get all the pieces in place to make date night a reality.
But it’s worth it.
Here are some fun date ideas you can try. And here are some at-home date night ideas to turn to when leaving the house is not an option.
*Also, these TableTopics are a great way to add some new and interesting conversations to any night.*
6) Grateful
Are you showing gratitude toward your relationship? Toward your partner?
Successful couples show appreciation to their spouse and feel appreciation from their spouse. Give and take for the win!
Make it a point to tell your partner something about them you are grateful for every single day. Even on the days when you don’t like them very much. Actually, especially on the days when you don’t like them very much.
7) Humor
Laughter is the best medicine, right? While laughter may not solve all your problems completely, it won’t make them any worse.
Have fun together. Laugh together. Be silly together. Find little pockets throughout the day to add some humor.
This can be as small as sending a funny meme. My husband does this all the time. It is something so small, but it makes me chuckle and it makes me feel connected to him even when we are not together.
8) Kindness
Water your marriage with loads and loads of kindness.
Practice kindness even when it is a challenge.
You can disagree without being cruel. Words can never be taken back once they have left your mouth. Never.
And we all know that words can be like weapons.
If you are having trouble being kind, walk away.
Have I been kind today? I like to randomly ask myself this question throughout the day.
9) Prioritize
Life will get busy. Life will get messy.
But a truly successful couple keeps their priorities in line.
They invest time and effort into their marriage. They know that is what they need to do in order to keep the marriage train chugging along those tracks.
Make sure you are never too busy for the things that matter most.
10) Work on Themselves
Personal growth is my cup of tea. I can’t get enough of it.
We are all flawed. And we always will be. But when we work on our own self-improvement, our marriage will deeply benefit.
These self-help books are my fave! I also recently finished this beautiful gem and it is definitely worthy of a read!
11) Take Responsibility
This is about taking ownership of your part in an argument. Taking responsibility for a mistake you made.
We can all be so quick to go on the defense when an issue arises. We play the hot potato blame game.
It can be easy to only see what our partner did wrong. I know for me personally, I have a hard time acknowledging my part in things.
But when my husband and I both acknowledge the part we played in any situation, we get through things in a much more pleasant way.
I’ll take pleasant over hostile any day.
No one has it all together. No couple has it all together. Not even close.
Marriage is not always glamorous. It’s messy beyond belief.
With a little (more like a lot) of work and some effort, you can build an incredible relationship that you are proud of.
Here is one thing you should always remember.
If love and relationships were easy-breezy, breakups and divorce wouldn’t be such a common occurrence.
What would you add to this list of qualities of successful couples? Drop a comment!
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