5 Secrets To a Long-Lasting Marriage
Qualities of a Long-Lasting Marriage
I have a confession to make.
This is supposed to be all about secrets to a long-lasting marriage.
But here is the thing.
There are no actual secrets that have complete power over the state of your marriage.
There are definitely things that can give your marriage better odds of being truly happy, healthy, and successful.
There are ideas that can for sure slingshot your relationship in a really good direction.
And these ideas are like building blocks that can give your relationship an iron man type of strong foundation.
But let me rewind just a bit and start this off with an honest statement we can all relate to.
Marriage is many things. Glamorous is not one of those things. Easy is not one of those things.
There are bills to pay and full laundry baskets glaring at you and overflowing sinks of dirty dishes.
Kids that need help finding that one picture they colored on that one Saturday 6 months ago. I know my daughter is not the only one with an insanely good memory!
But the point is that building a strong marriage is no easy feat. Especially not when the chaos of life is going on around us.
I used to think that great marriages just happened. Two people fell in love and lived happily ever after. (I may have watched a few too many romantic comedies in my lifetime)
The reality is that marriage is a challenge. Of course, it is also a mile-long list of wonderful things.
But any long-lasting and successful relationship takes consistent effort.
And there is no one perfect recipe that will help you achieve what you want from marriage. No step by step list of secrets you can follow for marital bliss.
When it comes to marriage advice, I strongly urge you to take what serves you and your relationship and leave the rest.
Everything you read will not resonate with you. Everything you read will not feel relatable.
With that being said, if you truly want to work on your marriage there is information out there that can and will help you.
You just have to start somewhere. (the tips below are a great place to start.. wink wink!)
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Here Are 5 Secrets To a Long-Lasting Marriage
1) Don’t Neglect Dating
This really comes down to carving out time for each other.
Dating does not have to involve actually leaving the house.
I know how hard finding a sitter can be for some people. (I live about 2 hours from any family so the struggle is very real for me)
But grab a game and some snacks and maybe some wine. (These conversation starter cards are awesome to spark some fun)
Put the kids to better early and have a fancy(ish) dinner.
Cuddle up with some popcorn and a movie. (Here are some movie ideas for you)
At home date night for the win! (Here are some more ideas for date night at home)
I know many nights my husband and I are on opposite sides of the couch and we are half watching whatever is on the TV and half playing a game on our phones.
This is not connecting. This is simply being in the same room.
And sometimes that’s fine. There are days when we both just need to decompress. No talking is required.
But try to be aware and actually see the difference between just existing in the same room and connecting and spending quality time together.
Carving out time together is not always this simple no-fuss task. But it is and will always be completely worth it.
And I guarantee your marriage will benefit from this in massive ways.
P.S. One really great way to connect whether you are at home or out is to put your phones away.
2) Are You on the Same Page?
Sit down every once in a while. Check-in with each other.
This is a look each other in the eyes kind of moment and really see how each of you is doing.
Life gets going and it never really stops, right?
It can sometimes feel like we are just along for the ride.
But we have to be intentional about stopping. We have to be intentional about checking in with the person we are spending our lives with.
Marriages will crumble without communication.
When honest communication is put on the back burner for too long, a build-up happens.
And this build-up could be full of tiny issues or larger issues but all those issues will be lumped together. It will feel like an overwhelming mess and you might feel lost on where to start.
Set up a time this week to check in with your spouse. I like to call it a marriage meeting.
This is a great way to keep those lines of communication open and nip things in the bud before they blow up!
3) Use Your Words
Please and thank you are important.
Say I love you.
Don’t hold things in. Let the good stuff flow.
Mutual respect and kindness are key components of the best relationships. And I think they are the things that can actually get easily pushed to the side or forgotten about.
This is not to suggest that you need to be kind to your partner 24/7 or your relationship is doomed. That is just crazy talk.
But I know for me, I often notice that the tone I use with my husband can come off a little aggressive. And many times, I am not even annoyed or angry about anything.
We are all human. We are not going to be chipper and have a smile on our face and use kind words every dang minute.
This is simply about being more mindful of the way we are speaking to our partners.
4) It’s Not About Equal
Fair is a word I don’t care for too much.
I also don’t particularly get along with the word balance.
Words like that can really set you up for disaster. Especially when it comes to your marriage.
The concept of things being fair all the time can really trip up any relationship. It brings up a toxic idea.
There is a give and take that will have to inevitably happen in a relationship. And the line between that give and take will not be smack dab in the middle.
A tit-for-tat mentality is a slippery slope.
By no means, am I implying that you should just give everything you have and expect nothing in return. This is not about just accepting everything as it is.
Definitely not. This is where communication comes into play.
You have to talk to each other. Really talk. Not just the small talk about how each of your days went.
It can sometimes feel uncomfortable or awkward to put it all out there and clearly state your wants and needs.
But that is necessary to build a relationship where both people involved feel that things are working for them.
5) Take Care of Yourself
If you spend all your energy and time taking care of people and things around you, then what will happen to you?
My guess is you will become resentful and burnt out.
At least that is what happens to me when I put myself last on my priority list. Or not even on the list at all.
You are one-half of your marriage.
But you are also a complete person aside from that relationship.
Make time and space for that person.
Get to know yourself on a deeper level.
Working on and taking care of yourself will not only be beneficial for you but for all the people around you.
Always remember that if you don’t show up for yourself, how can you fully show up for others in your life?
Spoiler alert.. you can’t!
Marriage is so many things. And it requires so many things from you.
There are no secrets to building a kick-butt marriage.
There are however seemingly small habits that when done consistently will catapult your marriage toward a really good place.
Have any secrets to a long-lasting marriage? Share away!
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