13 Signs of an Unhappy Marriage
Top Unhappy Marriage Signs
Before we talk about the signs of an unhappy marriage, we first have to clarify something.
All marriages will hit rough patches. All marriages will encounter struggles and hardships.
Like many things in life, there is sort of this ebb and flow vibe that will happen.
So it is really crucial to be able to differentiate between a relationship facing a challenging time and a relationship that has become all-around unhappy and unhealthy.
A bump in the road is not a death sentence for your marriage.
It sure can feel that way though.
One thing that always stands out to me about marriage is the idea of waiting.
Waiting for what you might wonder?
Waiting to work on your marriage until it has become a complete dumpster fire. This is so common.
I know for me personally before I got married I was not truly thinking about how we were going to keep our relationship strong and happy and healthy.
To be honest, I naively thought those things just happened. I mean, sure, I knew that arguments were bound to pop up every now and then. And I knew marriage was not all rainbows and sunshine.
But it is also almost impossible to know and understand the true depth of what goes into building and maintaining happy and healthy marriages.
You literally have to do a lot of learning on the job.
The process of working on a marriage is not going to be this experience full of rainbows and sunshine.
If it was like that, then every couple out there would be willing and eager to do it. And we know that is not the case.
Unhappy marriages do not happen overnight. It’s not one flick of a switch and boom… you go from happy to unhappy.
BTW… if both people involved are open and willing to roll their sleeves up and do some work, relationships are 100% able to be improved.
But we first have to be ready to recognize and fully acknowledge the issues that are keeping your marriage in a not-so-great place.
Here Are 13 Signs of an Unhappy Marriage
1) Severe Lack of Communication
Communication is a massive pillar that supports the entire foundation of a relationship.
Communication is also very tricky. It seems simple enough.
So in many cases, it is not something that gets a lot of focus put on it. And over time, communication will slowly but surely just crumble.
What is the basis of communication? Talking.
Things can quickly and easily become unpleasant if even the simple act of talking to each other has become almost non-existent.
Marriages can really thrive if communication is something that is consistently worked on.
Take a look at these simple and effective communication tips.
2) Intimacy is Non-Existent
The big thing that comes to mind when we hear the word intimacy is sex.
This can be a touchy and obviously very personal subject.
So all I am going to say is that it should be happening.
Intimacy with your partner is all about connection. And if intimacy is gone with the wind then inevitably there will be a disconnect.
It’s also important to mention here that seemingly small things like holding hands, cuddling, and random slaps on the booty have a direct correlation to what is or is not happening in the bedroom.
Keeping an eye on the frequency of those little bits of affection and connection is super important.
3) Always on Edge
After an intense argument, it is normal for things to maybe feel off for a little while. It may feel like you and your spouse are walking on eggshells and sort of feeling each other out.
But when marriages become really unhappy it can feel like walking on eggshells all the time.
Just waiting for the smallest inconvenience to blow up the day.
This is no way to live. Not only is this an unhappy situation but this can also be extremely stressful.
4) Not Sharing Anything
The good. The bad. Or the ugly. There is no sharing going on.
Red alert people.
We enter marriages because we are making a choice to share our life with someone else.
When sharing has become a thing of the past, it can really create this invisible yet very powerful wall between the two of you.
And the more time that goes on, that wall will be more of a challenge to break down. (Definitely still very possible to break down… just might take some extra grunt work)
5) Searching For Flaws or Mistakes
Have you and your partner become detectives doing your best to search for or constantly find something to criticize?
In my marriage, I refer to this as the “nothing good to say” time.
This is basically like having blinders on which only allow you to see the negatives.
This can become a really unhealthy cycle.
Unhappiness will reign supreme unless someone makes the choice to step back and say enough is enough.
6) What’s The Point
It can start to feel pointless to even try. You are stuck in the mindset that nothing is going to change.
Empty is a word that comes to mind.
Your marriage may feel like it is being bombarded by problems. And there seem to be no solutions.
Especially challenging times can begin to feel permanent. And that can be really daunting.
7) Keeping Score
This idea can be really dangerous. I think it often keeps couples and relationships buried.
This way of behaving in your marriage leaves no room for growth.
It basically sets any marriage up for failure. We don’t want to do XYZ because our partner did not do XYZ first. And our partner might be feeling the exact same way.
So now neither person involved is going to make an attempt to change the situation. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. This cycle will continue on and on. It will be a destructive loop.
Trying to win is not a tactic that will benefit your marriage. And you know what? I can bet that most of us have had this mentality at some point.
I have most definitely entered a discussion with my husband knowing in my bones that I was right and I was going to win.
When winning is the personal goal of a situation then the relationship is going to suffer.
In a marriage, you are a team. You have to change the lens from me vs you to us.
8) Blame Game
This is when you blame your partner completely for any and every issue your marriage faces.
I have been in that place. The place where you literally feel down to your core that your spouse is 100% responsible for every issue. Every problem is on them.
They are responsible for the crumbling state of your marriage as well as the reason the bathroom sink is clogged.
The blame game is easy to play. And this may sound strange but sometimes I think it can even be fun. When we are hurting, it can feel good or give us a moment of relief to put everything on our partner.
But all it really does is create a super unpleasant environment. An environment where there is a lot of blaming going on and not really much supportiveness going on.
9) Happiness Feels Impossible
Good times feel completely out of reach.
Anger and frustration in a relationship can grow out of control when they are not dealt with. And this can create a space where there is no room for anything else.
Even when nothing is necessarily wrong the negativity has just taken over and it is overwhelming the relationship and both partners.
10) Issues Feel Insurmountable
I actually think this is much more common than people think.
One thing I have noticed in my own marriage and in viewing the marriages around me is that seemingly small issues have a tendency of being laughed off a bit.
And sometimes these issues while annoying are truly somewhat silly. (Like my husband and his choice to leave dirty socks next to the hamper)
But many times these little issues are like tiny cracks. These cracks build over time.
And then we have this gaping hole stuffed full of issues and no idea how or where to start with the repair process.
11) Can’t Seem To Connect or Find Middle Ground
Does it feel like you and your spouse are living in two different realities?
One person wants to talk for hours in hopes that a breakthrough will happen.
The other person will try to avoid a serious or deep conversation at all costs.
Not being able to meet each other in some capacity makes improving the marriage extremely challenging.
12) Complete Indifference
Indifference is a shift in the exact opposite direction of happy or healthy.
Many times, people view anger as a bad thing.
But anger is a sign that someone still cares. They just might need a little help navigating through a situation.
Indifference is dangerous.
13) Leaving Has Become Very Appealing
The idea of separation or divorce is looking pretty good.
You might fantasize about what a different life could look like for you. One without your spouse in it.
How common do you think unhappy marriages are?
I would bet more common than most think.
And a huge reason is that marriage is just hard. And working on your marriage consistently is even harder.
But hard and impossible are very different.
So while an unhappy marriage may seem like a giant fire-breathing dragon that can’t be slain.
There are tools out there that can help you. And acknowledging and confronting the hurdles in your relationship is the perfect first step.
Which one of these signs of an unhappy marriage do you relate to most?
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