To The Lonely Mama

Let’s talk. Dare I say, not about our kids.

How many conversations can we have about potty habits, healthy food, and sleep(or lack thereof)? We spend countless hours talking about our sweet babies.

But how often do we talk about ourselves?

How are you feeling?

I feel like I am supposed to be happy and fulfilled all the time. News flash… I’m not. I may be wrong but I don’t think I am the only one.

We are full of so many emotions. So many of them are amazing. Some not so much. That is okay.

I have a kick-butt life. My family is equal parts dysfunctional and perfect. I have a few close friends that share my level of weird. These things don’t change the fact that I still feel lonely some days. Even though I am never alone. Not even in the bathroom.

Before I had my daughter, I thought being a stay at home mama would be fabulous. It’s getting to live your best life every day, right? This is partially true. I love staying at home. I don’t have to put on a bra every day! That definitely goes in the pros column.

There are also days where I played tea party for 2 hours and find myself watching Disney channel long after my kiddo has gone to bed. Okay, that last part is not so bad. Disney shows are the bomb.

The point is, there are days I did not have any adult conversation. And my husband wonders why I basically attack him at the door when he gets home from work.

Some days, I get so angry that he has a chance to miss our daughter. Does that even make sense? He gets to miss her. Which also means he misses things I am sure he wishes he didn’t. And I am jealous of that.

I’m annoyed he has adult stories to tell me from his adult life that he has outside the home.

I feel like I should say I am in no way complaining about my life as a stay at home mama.

Hang on a minute! Why do we do that?

We say something and then we always feel the urge to let everyone know we aren’t complaining. Basically, we apologize for having feelings that we think another person is going to judge.

It is OK to feel lonely. It is OK to feel discouraged. You are allowed to feel whatever way you feel. End of story. No need to defend yourself or apologize for it.

No need to punish yourself for being a human being.

If you love every moment of motherhood then hot dang you are beyond blessed.

I still have a reserved seat on the struggle bus. I’m OK with that. And I still feel pretty blessed. Just not every second of every flipping day.

Having a child completely changes your life. That’s at least one thing everyone can agree on.

And it doesn’t just change it once. It changes it over and over. Every stage of childhood is different. Having a 5-year-old creates different feelings and different challenges than having a newborn. Are we ever gonna catch a break? I think we know the answer. No need for me to say it.

There are lows and highs. Peaks and valleys. Bright days. And dark days. Some really dark days.

I know. I see you. And I can relate to you. All of it.

Do you feel like some days you are stuck on repeat? I love a good routine as much as the next mama. They are so important. But some days it can take a toll. Nobody wants to feel like a robot.

Do we share these feelings of loneliness with the people around us? Maybe. Every once in a while. But not nearly as often as we should. We put on a happy face. Keep things bottled up. Try to convince ourselves we are fine.

Better to keep it in than risk sharing something when we are not sure of the reaction we are going to get.

I have a bad habit of assuming. I assume I know what someone is going to say or how they are going to react. But I don’t know. And people have a tendency to surprise you.

Bottom line. Motherhood is lonely. It just is. That’s not taking anything away from all the super awesome parts. There is room for both.

Does that mean we should just accept it and move on? I don’t know.

I do think we need to be sure we are taking care of ourselves. Talking to someone when we are feeling especially on the edge of losing it.

If you find yourself staring at a fellow mama, wondering if she feels the same as you. Chances are yes. She does!

Do a happy dance. There are so many of us mamas around which means we are not alone. So, say a kind word. Heck, just say hi. Or just give an encouraging smile.