The Mom Comparison Trap
Has the mom comparison trap got ahold of you?
Stop comparing yourself to other people! You’re definitely going to stop now, right?
What this mama wouldn’t give to have it be that easy?!
I would also tell myself to stop eating way too many cookies before bed. And stop staying up way too late binge-watching shows on Netflix. Oh, and stop forgetting to put the clothes in the dryer! For three days!
We see these moms who have it all. Or do it all. It can be so easy to forget that we are seeing a tiny little piece of their day. A crumb. Like the ones we find on our shirts and eat.
It is really insane how a picture we see or words we read can send us spiraling out of control.
We start comparing how we look. How we parent. Where we live. Our relationships. Our wardrobes. The number of blemishes and wrinkles we have. No way she is that age. Now starts the online search for the best eye cream out there.
What the what is going on!
Do you ever picture what a person’s daily life must be like? Well, I do all the time. And let me just tell you how flipping ridiculous it is.
In my head, this woman gets out of bed with the most beautiful bed head ever. She is glowing and smiling. For some reason, there is always a lovely tune playing in the background. Taylor Swift to be more specific.
She gets ready in 3 minutes and looks flawless.
Her husband is a holy moly Mr. Hottie and of course kind and overly loving.
Her kids! Let’s just say they are not constantly picking their noses or behaving like a pack of hyenas.
And her house. Straight out of a catalog. Joanna Gaines may just be her BFF!
Dang, that rabbit hole can be deep.
But this is not reality. Obviously! We know this, ladies.
The truth is no one is safe from the comparison trap in motherhood. Or life. Heck, I was a comparison junkie long before I popped a kid out.
But somehow our brains continue to tell us we are all alone. Even if we know other moms who have told us they feel the same way.
Maybe Jennifer was just saying that to make me feel better. I am sure she has it all together. And look at her kitchen. Ugh.
This is what we do. Or what I do. See, there I go again. Trying to convince myself I am the lone ranger out here.
Social media is a snippet of the best aspects of life. Yes, it is easy to compare and it is perfectly normal.
But grab that illusion by the balls, girl!
Pictures can have beautiful filters. I use them. You probably do too. I rock those puppy ears. Not the same can be said for real life.
Don’t forget some very important facts.
That picture that has you feeling some kind of way. It could have taken an hour to get!
No marriage is perfect. All kids act like lunatics!
And my favorite when I start feeling like an ugly duckling…..Beautiful women have found random hairs on random parts of their bodies. And plucked them!
Next time the tides seem to be blowing you in the wrong direction. The cave of compare is growing bigger. And you need to get out before it is too late. Consider this.
Sometimes, we share the messier and uglier parts of our lives. Sometimes, we don’t. And sometimes we share a mix and people are left to take from it what they will.
But maybe we don’t have to give so much power to other people. Don’t lose faith in yourself and how awesome you are because Sarah’s husband is always giving her flowers. Maybe they have some crazy fights and this is how he says sorry.
No, Jessica’s house is not always clean. Dust does not discriminate!
And everyone with kids has lost their temper and at some point their minds. Quite possibly 2 seconds after taking that “perfect” picture.
I’m not saying assume the worst about everyone. I’m saying don’t assume the best. Don’t fool yourself into believing the stars have aligned for everyone else except you. The universe did not single you out.
A win for someone else does not equal to a loss for you.
By the way……
Avoid the words always and never like you avoid the overly talkative lady at the grocery store. If parenting has taught us one thing, it is that these words do not apply.
I may be a tad guilty of falling into an all or nothing mentality. I can guarantee my hubby would say always and never have come up in a few intense conversations. Or every intense conversation. We all have our things. Good and bad.
But you will not always feel a certain way.
Reading an inspirational quote won’t make you feel positive 100% of the time. Just like a rude comment won’t cause you to never feel confident again.
So, where does this leave us? What can we do?
How about think of a phrase. A personal mantra for yourself. Write it down. Say it. Over and over. Rinse and repeat daily as needed.
Treat comparison like a stray hair you find on your chin. Pluck it and throw it away! You will have to do this many times. It can keep coming back. Just like those pesky chin hairs!
Take a break from social media. Or maybe that seems a little extreme to you! How about not following people that make you feel bad? Really! Just stop.
Write down something you are grateful for every single time you hear Mr. Comparison knocking on the door.
Politely ask the bus driver to let you off the comparison route. Their driving was getting a little out of hand.
Have no fear. Another kind of struggle bus will be here before you know it. Motherhood. Don’t you just love it!?
Looking for some more tips to help with comparison? Check out these steps you can start doing today!
How Do You Escape The Mom Comparison Trap?
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