The Mom Shame Game
Have you ever been judged? Have you ever judged another mom?
The answer to both questions is most likely yes.
Each and every one of us has faced judgment from others in some way.
And most of us have played the mom shame game. Most of us have been a judgy Judy. I have.
Especially before I had kids. My husband and I always laugh about the things we swore we would never do. Or how we would never let our kids behave that way! Let them! Yeah, that’s a good one.
My my how things have changed!
Being a parent is rough. There is no right way to do it. No one size fits all.
Maybe this is why mom shaming has become like a disease that won’t stop spreading.
What are some heavy hitters? Choosing to breastfeed or not. Co-sleeping. What we are feeding our kids. Discipline. Screen time! Staying at home with kids vs. working outside the home.
And those are just some of the big ones. The ones that parents could debate for hours. And some want to.
No thank you, Lisa. Grey’s Anatomy is on tonight. No time for a breastfeeding lecture right now.
Do you ever feel like someone is trying to one-up you? Like, oh your kid is eating Cheetos. We only eat organic at our house. Okay. I’m happy for your organic lifestyle. Can you pass the Cheetos?
A mom gets judged for having another kid when she has three at home and already seems stressed. But then another mom is judged for making the choice to only have one child. Oh no, your kid is really missing out.
Can you believe her kids are dressed that way? Look at how she isn’t even watching them!
The amount of things we could get judged on seems never-ending. Anything we do is going to get judged.
People feel very strongly about things and it is like they just can’t help themselves.
Some people may actually be sharing their opinion believing it will help you. And some people are just mean.
Or maybe judging you makes them feel better.
I catch myself judging other moms at times. Why? I think we feel the need to judge when something is different from our way. I definitely don’t think this is always meant to be malicious. Speaking from experience I don’t even think a lot of us realize we are judging.
With me, I think it is a reflection of my insecurities. I do not always feel like a great mom. But my kid sleeps really well in her own bed. So I’m gonna ride that sleep train to brag town.
My parenting is better than yours. You should make a different choice.
Even advice given with the best of intentions can come across this way.
Do you know what I want so badly?
I want someone to tell me I’m doing a good job. Please validate that I am getting something right. Especially when most days I feel the complete opposite.
I always feel very nervous to let my guard down and have a real conversation about motherhood. Not just the joking around stuff. We are all tired and things get hard. I’m talking about the deep stuff. The stuff we normally downplay.
I can remember being afraid to say certain things because I could not handle comments from the peanut gallery. So scared of getting a look of disapproval. Heck, I still feel this way!
It is like a horror film! Someone is always watching. Waiting!
Like most, my biggest critic is me. Anything someone else says or points out. I can guarantee it has crossed my mind. I doubt so many of the choices I make.
Has something someone said actually made you doubt your parenting? Maybe I really am doing it wrong. I have fallen down this rabbit hole quite a few times.
Sometimes it is baffling how strongly people feel about another person’s choice.
We are all doing our best. And we are all losing our shiz on a daily basis.
I am doing the best I can. And so is every mama out there. Even if they are doing it differently than me or even in a way I disagree with.
Every parenting style is different. Different decisions work for different families. Just like rompers are a no on me but on others, they look like a million bucks.
So here is to you and your badass parenting skills. Cheers to the choices you make. Cheers to the great job you are doing raising little ones.
Let’s lift each other up. We all long for support. We need support. Maybe even more than our boobs do?!
What are your thoughts on mom shaming?
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