6 Expectations That Were Making Me Miserable

The Expectations That Were Weighing Me Down (Without Even Realizing It)

Let’s talk about some expectations that were quietly making me miserable.

I don’t mean miserable as in hanging on by a thread. I mean more like a little gray cloud that refused to leave the corner of my vision. What a time for my peripheral vision to be on high alert.

I have never been the kind of person who expected life to be perfect. Okay, maybe I dabbled in that idea a little, but it wasn’t front and center.

I knew life had messy bits. I knew hard things happened, and struggling at times was not this unheard of concept. 

Even knowing all of this didn’t seem to hold a candle next to a long list of quiet expectations I kept track of in my mind.

I think I had almost convinced myself that these expectations were doing me a favor. I didn’t really question them.

They sounded good. They sounded doable. So I went with them.

The one way they came through for me time and time again was to remind me where I was falling short or not doing enough.

Other than that, their motivating tendencies were subpar at best. At least for me.

I’m not saying these expectations were totally unrealistic or out of left field. 

The problem wasn’t that I had expectations. It was that I rarely stopped to ask whether they were actually helping me. 

Here Are 6 Expectations That Were Making Me Miserable

1) I Expected Every Single Day to Be One Main Thing

And that one thing was productive. 

I’m not saying other things couldn’t be sprinkled in, but productivity was the name of the game.

Before I say anymore, I have to tell you that my love for checking things off a list will never go down without a fight. Also, I’m not here to paint productivity in a bad light.

Being a productive human being is important. 

But I started believing that a day had to hit a certain productivity meter to count. I sort of allowed productivity to become my guiding light. 

Sure, I was doing all kinds of other things during the day, but many times I viewed those things as barriers. 

Again, productivity is valuable. It’s simply not the only way to measure the value of a day.

2) I Expected Myself To Love & Appreciate Every Season of Life

Hold up, I do love and appreciate my life. 

I don’t throw certain seasons to the wayside and trudge through with a somber outlook. 

Maybe social media had something to do with this. We’ve all seen those quotes or videos with a lovely soundtrack that want to remind us we’re going to miss this. 

And being someone with an almost teenager and a kiddo starting Kindergarten this year, I am no stranger to seeing the truth in that. 

But just because I miss my 5-year-old being a 2-year-old who said insanely cute gibberish some days doesn’t mean I want to go back.

It’s okay if some seasons weren’t at the absolute top of your list. It’s okay to admit that some seasons had just as many challenges as bright spots. 

We don’t have to invite guilt in just because we don’t feel like we’re soaking up every stage perfectly.

3) I Expected The House to Stay Clean

If there was advice out there on systems to keep your home in order, I was taking them in. I was on an endless trial and error mission.

Now, I love a clean home. I still drool over those images I see online of beautifully clean and organized homes. Give me all the built-ins please and thank you. 

But some little nook or cranny of my mind started sneakily expecting my home to stay that way. 

I’d run through my little cleaning routine and come back to the kitchen a little while later wondering when the stray raccoons had been there rummaging. 

You know the funniest part about this? When I walk into someone else’s home that looks lived in, I don’t give it much thought. I’m not interrogating them on why their home doesn’t look like it belongs in a design magazine.

In fact, I usually find it warm and welcoming. All I notice when I walk in my best friend’s house is how cozy it smells.

So why was I holding myself to a completely different standard? I had the scent part down, but everywhere else never seemed to measure up. 

My home is very lived in. And for the foreseeable future it will (fingers crossed) be that way.

Do I still love those few minutes when it looks almost ready for a showing? Absolutely. 

But does it not looking like that mean something bad about me? Absolutely not. 

I think expectations can take on a mind of their own and finding a way to call them out (over and over again) is our best line of defense. 

4) I Expected Myself To Never Feel Overwhelmed

This is another one of those things that I kept finding myself going back to the drawing board for again and again. We can all LOL at this idea together.

I would reorganize parts of my life and try out a new routine hoping that would do the trick. And sometimes I reaped the rewards of my research and development agenda. 

I would add a mark in the pro column. Other times life was being a real jokester doing its thing. 

Just the other day, I had a house full of tween girls here and while I love being the hangout house, it is still a bit much when they constantly sound like a herd of elephants that are two seconds away from falling through the floor. 

Some days there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with my routines or systems. There are just a lot of people, a lot of noise, or just a whole lot going on at once. 

5) I Expected Myself To Have More Answers By Now

I think this is one of those things that comes from thinking a certain number would cross me into some different version of life.

Being a certain age would cause things to magically fall into place. It’s like when you’re young and you can almost fall back on being young. I guess I thought at some point that wouldn’t be okay to do.  

But I will be 42 on my next birthday and learning is still a key player in my life. 

I definitely know more than I did twenty years ago. Or at least I have some life and perspective under my belt. 

That said, life is good at introducing a whole new set of questions I haven’t seen before. 

Having all the answers is a daydream that provides a fleeting feeling of comfort. What I’ve found provides even more comfort is being okay with admitting I don’t.

6) I Expected Small Things Not To Bother Me

I always thought that once I got older, little inconveniences would just come and go pretty quickly. 

Which sounds like it contradicts what we hear a lot about how things seem way less serious in our younger years. That was not me. 

I don’t even know what age I had in my mind. Was it 34 or 37.5, or 40? Maybe it is coming and I just have about 20 years to go.

But I’m not betting on that being the case. 

I don’t think the stars are going to align and decide that life is going to stop throwing little frustrations at me. Expecting myself to stop being so bothered by them was more what I was going for.

I’m sure I could find a handful of wise words somewhere about letting the small frustrations come and go like a quick breeze that blows through.

And I do love quotes that make me think or feel some type of way. 

That said, I don’t want to be the person who shoves things down or dismisses them because I feel like they don’t make the cut somehow. 

Some days, little things do roll right off my shoulders. Especially if my hair is cooperating and my coffee to creamer ratio was on point. 

Other days, one glitch creeps in and I am like a cartoon character with bulging eyeballs. This, of course, somewhat depends on my circumstances at the time.

If it’s the 4th day of my husband’s work trip, my dog’s breathing is enough to make me agitated.

And just for the record, you will never hear me utter the words “don’t be so sensitive”. That’s blasphemy. 

Sometimes we’re carrying a lot and even little things hit us harder than we think they should. And sometimes we’re just human beings and giving small annoyances a moment is what we’re going with.

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Final Thoughts…

I don’t think these expectations were making me miserable because they were huge factors coming at me every second of every day.

It’s more like that saying of death by a thousand cuts. 

These expectations actually sounded like what someone mature and responsible would set. 

But together in unison, they would always feel like they were knocking me down a peg or two. And my tween loves to roast me so I don’t need anything else coming at me. 

For the record, I’m still having to work on letting some of these go. Man, they hang on like a hungry leech. 

I didn’t say good riddance to any standards and live with a YOLO attitude. Not sure that would work anyway.

You know what I do? I poke holes in them. Expectations don’t have to be these set in stone rules that we never stop to question. Expectations don’t need to be permanent placeholders that have no wiggle room.

Different days and seasons of life can have a massive range of expectations. It doesn’t have to be one way or bust.

Expecting the best from yourself is not the same as expecting yourself to be superhuman.

Which of these expectations that were making me miserable did you relate to most?

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6 Expectations That Were Making Me Miserable