9 Simple Ways to Be a Better Wife (Without Becoming Someone You’re Not)

Everyday Ways to Be a Better Wife

We’re about to dive deep into the idea of simple ways to be a better wife. And I want to start by being clear about what this is not.

This is not about overhauling your personality. This isn’t about changing a long list of things about yourself in order to make sure your partner is getting everything they need. (and then some)

And this is not about shrinking or silencing yourself in any way.

For quite some time, whenever I thought about being a better wife, I would instantly have this running catalog in my head of things my husband could do to be better. My brain created a long, quiet list of all the ways he could improve.

Honestly, that isn’t completely out of left field. Marriage does involve two people. His actions matter and have an impact.

That said, thinking in that way was holding me back from truly looking at my actions and choices. It was as if I was stuck.

Evaluating him and myself seemed to put things at a standstill.

This isn’t about focusing on yourself because being a good partner and creating a great marriage is completely on your shoulders.

Absolutely not.

All of these ideas can, of course, go both ways. But the only person we can realistically tweak is ourselves.

No marriage is ever going to reach that land of perfection. That’s not how real-life works.

Real marriages are messy. They are two people navigating daily life with each other. Bringing all their own stuff to the table and unloading it. It’s a learn as you go gig.

Two people choosing to agree to disagree when it comes to really important things…like how to load the dishwasher.

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Here Are 9 Simple Ways to Be a Better Wife

1) Listen

This sounds obvious, but let me elaborate with two crucial add-ons.

Listen without interrupting. Listen without planning your response.

Whoa. Those are short little sentences that pack a punch.

So often, while our partner is talking, we are getting our response on deck. It’s ready to come in hot.

Truly listening to someone is hard. It can even be uncomfortable at times. But giving your spouse the floor fully can change the tone of a conversation and make such a difference. (I know it has in my marriage)

Side note: My husband constantly brings up how I talk with the women in my family or my close girlfriends. It’s usually a lot of talking at once. His interactions with the men in his life look very different. So, maybe interrupting was born into me.

Kidding. (kind of)

I’m a work in progress. As much as I have come to respect and value listening, I also love three mini conversations going on inside of a bigger conversation at the same time.

2) Share Your Needs

You want to know something that doesn’t have a great track record for being a better spouse or improving a marriage?

Putting your own needs on the backburner.

I have literally had inner conversations with myself regarding how I could just put my head down and barrel through. If I could just coast along without rocking the boat then things would be good.

A lot of people do this because it feels easier in the moment.

But who is that actually good for? Not you. And truthfully not your partner. It would backfire at some point.

Needs can be shoved down but they don’t disappear. They pile up somewhere and eventually make themselves known by seeping out as resentment or burnout.

Sharing your needs has a direct link to honesty. And we all know honestly is a big player in our relati0nships. Linking those two ideas has helped me slowly shift my comfort level in regards to giving my needs a voice.

3) Stop Trying to Tackle 6(or 26) Issues at a Time

I am very good at this. Like, pro level.

I can turn one conversation about one small thing into something completely unrelated within minutes.

A conversation that starts about something with our kids can quickly morph into a conversation about a comment made 2 months ago.

Trying to address a boatload of things at once is a recipe for disaster. When all these things are flying around, not much is actually getting resolved. My husband and I leave the conversation feeling like we played an intense match of issue ping-pong.

Is this 100% avoidable at all times? Probably not.

We are human beings. We are not going to handle everything perfectly every chance we get.

But trying to focus on one thing at a time can feel a lot less exhausting and quite a bit more productive. (for both people)

BTW: You could even use a notebook to keep track of things you want to discuss. This way things that come up don’t get temporarily forgotten about but they also don’t overtake the current conversation.

4) Ask His Opinion

Oh, and then don’t dismiss is immediately.

In relationships, people can take on certain roles or at least be the default person in specific areas.

For me, this made it hard to give my husband’s take on something a fair shake. I would get his opinion and then shut it down and explain why my way was the right way.

Not one of my more charming qualities. But man was it easy to do.

Asking for and truly taking into account your partner’s opinion is powerful. It can cause some monumental shifts. (in a good way)

Whether it’s about weekend plans, dinner ideas, or a decision about the kids, feeling heard matters.

This is not about giving in to your partner or agreeing all the time. But making space for a differing view or perspective doubles down on the idea that you are on the same team working together.

5) Give Compliments

We’re talking about genuine compliments. This isn’t about over-the-top praise that will undoubtedly feel a little off.

No gushing allowed.

Let’s aim for simple and honest compliments that don’t feel forced. Noticing how he handled a situation with the kids or mentioning that a hat or shirt looks good on him. (my husband is a big hat guy)

Small compliments put a little pep in anyone’s step. Saying these things out loud when they cross your mind is like sprinkling a little fairy dust on your relationship.

6) Give Him a Little Breathing Room

This idea might be my archnemesis. OK, that’s a bit dramatic but it is a slight pain point for me.

I don’t need a huge amount of space when I come back from being out for a little while. I am all about connecting. (or reconnecting)

I’m ready to jump right back in. Put me in coach!

But you know what? Not everyone is the same way. I know, you’re as shocked as I am!

Some people need a minute. I spent so much time taking this so personally. Someone having a different approach to something is normal and okay.

This one has taken practice for me. (and probably always will)

Also, this book has been an eye-opener for me when it comes to how truly different people can be.

7) Everything Doesn’t Need To Be a Discussion

Oh dang, another tough one for me.

I love for everything to be a discussion. I truly do. And there are most definitely things that require some type of discussion.

Here’s the thing…

Not everything is worthy of a long-winded conversation.

This isn’t about ignoring issues. It’s about conserving your energy for where it really matters.

Some things can just be a passing moment. Nothing more, nothing less. I like to think of it as if everything is on the same importance level, then nothing is really important. Things can get lost in the shuffle.

8) Assume Good Intent

I have actually been trying to do this across the board in my life, not just with my husband.

And this isn’t about letting anyone off the hook for hurtful behavior or choices that cut deep.

It’s about giving the benefit of the doubt in those small, everyday moments.

Taking a pause instead of assuming something was done just to get to you can go a long way in relationships. (those with your partner and all other relationships in life)

9) Say Thank You Out Loud

We can overthink saying thank you in certain situations because we have an inner battle on whether it is necessary.

Like do we need to say it for the things our partner should be doing anyway.

But this simple act, which requires little effort., can really enhance the vibe of a relationship.

Life can often feel very mundane. I like to say mundane and magical but mundane is there none the less. We can be chugging along and small gestures like thank you can fall to the wayside.

It’s as simple as…

Thanks for making sure my favorite work pants are clean. Thanks for putting gas in my car. (I said this one this morning)

Gratitude doesn’t have to be this grand, time consuming thing. Some kind words here and there are like an injection of goodness into your marriage.

If you want to go even deeper with gratitude, this gratitude journal is a good start.

It goes without saying that we have different lives and therefore have different experiences. Will everything I do in my life and my marriage align seamlessly with your life?

No.

But I always like to believe that we have more in common than we think. Maybe, just maybe, some of my experiences resonate with you. (even in some small way)

Which of these simple ways to be a better wife stood out most to you?

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simple ways to be a better wife