How To Have More Fun With Your Spouse
How To Have Fun With Your Spouse Again
This is all about how to have more fun with your spouse.
And you know what?
Twenty-something-year-old me would have thought this idea was silly and maybe even a little ridiculous.
Fun was not something I thought would be lacking in my marriage.
I definitely had a very different view of marriage way back when. Back when I was daydreaming about the idea of marriage. Not actually living in and trying to build a marriage.
It’s like when people without kids say all of these things they will never do with their kids. And then kids come along and well…. you know how that goes. (BTW… I was one of those people)
It is the same idea with marriage. The reality is that it is very unlikely that the idea of marriage in your head will match the real thing.
Can we take a pause and blame romantic comedies a little bit here?
Rom-Coms portray a very false sense of reality in terms of what a marriage looks like. And really just how a relationship and household in general function.
I mean, for one thing, people in the movies always have a sitter at the drop of a dime. I call BS!
One of the best things you can do for your marriage is to revamp the idea of what a marriage is or should be.
This idea of revamping is especially true when it comes to making space for and creating fun in your relationship.
Here Are 6 Tips on How To Have More Fun With Your Spouse
1) Get Completely Honest
Marriages are not just miraculously fun and amazing. The fun has to be created.
And this takes some effort.
Both people involved need to be open and honest about their feelings toward the marriage. And even more open about things they feel need some maintenance.
It’s not easy to say to someone that a particular aspect of your relationship is lacking and it is really starting to have a serious impact on you.
This was something I had to do in my marriage very recently. And it actually took me a little while to build up the courage to say something.
I felt like I was being a burden. Nothing was specifically wrong.
But we had become so comfortable in our roles. The everyday grind of life and kids was consuming the bulk of our time.
Complacency had been creeping in for quite some time and it was starting to take over. Safe to say most relationships have dealt with this in some form or another.
Having fun with the person you chose to spend your life with should not be viewed as a luxury. It is not something extra, like guacamole at Chipotle.
Plan a sit-down with your spouse. This is the perfect way to get the ball rolling.
Someone has to be the one to speak up. Let that be you!
2) Be Intentional
You have to make deliberate choices.
It is so easy for things to get swept under the rug.
I know in my marriage, and I am sure so many others, we come away from a situation with the best of intentions. But then all those ordinary day-to-day things come into play.
Life continues its regularly scheduled program.
And before you know it all those good intentions have flown the coop.
This really can become a vicious cycle.
And this idea of “good intentions” can apply to any area of your life. Right?
I am sure we can all think of things we planned to do but never actually got around to doing.
And in all honesty, that’s fine. We are not robots. We are humans.
But it is extremely crucial to be intentional with the things that really, truly matter to you.
There should be some non-negotiables in your life. The health of your marriage should be one of those.
This is a direct product of being intentional.
You will not always feel like you have time. I get it. But it is essential that you create the time.
Talking about things is great. Planning is fantastic.
But it really comes down to the follow-through.
Put things on the schedule. And then stick to that schedule (as much as life allows). Hold you and your partner accountable.
I actually have friends that schedule intimacy. And to some that might seem odd. But it works for them.
4) Small Fun
We can all think of things that we would consider “big” fun.
Vacations. Holidays. Weddings.
But those things are not happening on a regular basis.
Those events are great for having something to look forward to. And we all love the excitement and the countdown to these amazing experiences.
However, the real gold lies in the “small” fun.
The 3-minute dance party on a random Thursday. That overly competitive game of Scrabble.
Laughing at the movie that gets you every single time. (My husband and I could watch I Love You, Man a million times and it never gets old)
Even some flirty texts back and forth in the middle of the day.
Small pockets of fun are really powerful.
5) Be Open/Try New Things
You and your partner might have very different interests. You might have very differing views of what fun entails.
This is great. I mean, there are probably things you both love too. I always feel like food is common ground for people.
Be open to exploring and trying new things. This is a great way to get to know your spouse better. Maybe even get to learn something new about them.
Our marriages change over the years partly due to the fact that we as individuals change.
Reintroduce yourself to your partner. And welcome them to do the same.
A fun activity that goes along with this would be each of you making a list of date night ideas or things you want to try or restaurants you want to go to.
Put all these ideas in a jar and then you might be able to avoid one of those long-drawn-out conversations about where you should go for dinner. (The “where to eat” struggle is very real in my marriage)
6) Make it a Priority (Consistently)
I know I mentioned earlier about being intentional with your choices and scheduling things and sticking to that schedule! (to the best of your ability)
But I just have to mention this concept one more time.
And I am adding a word that I neglected to mention earlier. Consistency!
This is an investment in your marriage. It really is.
Often we let these types of things fall to the wayside. We look at date nights as a luxury.
Who has time for fun, right? While this might often feel true, we need to push through these feelings and do better.
Our marriages are worth it.
Have a common goal for this. Create a goal with your partner of consistently putting your marriage at the top of the list.
You have a built-in buddy system right there in front of you.
Life is busy. Marriage is not this easy-breezy endeavor.
Having fun is all about connecting. It’s taking a pause for each other. Not talking about the kids or that funny noise the dryer has been making.
Fun is one of those things that can (and at times will) fade into the background very easily.
You and your partner will not get it right 100 percent of the time. (Nobody does!)
Be patient with yourself. Be patient with each other.
Oh, and have some FUN!
Have any tips on how to have more fun with your spouse? Drop a comment!
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