How I Stay Present Instead of Worrying About the Future
The Little Things That Help Me Come Back to the Life I’m Actually Living
Let’s talk about how I stay present instead of worrying about the future.
Well, the truth is, I don’t. At least not always.
That feels unrealistic. A tall order that I have not yet found a way to fill.
But with most things in life, there’s a push and pull. It’s not just all one way or another.
“Don’t worry, be happy” is a great sentiment. And whenever I hear that song, I sing along wholeheartedly.
I wish I could tell you I cracked the code. I figured out how to stop worrying about the future and now spend my days completely present, soaking up every moment I am in.
But no, I have not.
I have made progress. Though progress is not nearly the same as elimination.
I can still be going about my business on a random Wednesday and suddenly wonder about something that may happen a month from now. Or even years from now…my brain likes to stay prepared and keep me on my toes.
I sit down to read a book or watch a feel-good show and my mind is creating bullet points for me to look at faster than I can keep up.
What progress has looked like for me is noticing. Noticing when I am spending too much time somewhere other than the life I’m actually living.
I love thinking about the future. It brings me a sense of comfort in a way.
But being thoughtful about the future shouldn’t cause me to miss today. I don’t want to constantly be in figuring-out-tomorrow (or next year) mode.
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Here Are Some Ways to Stay Present Instead of Worrying About the Future That Make a Difference for Me
1) I Talk to Myself Out Loud
I used to think this was such a weird thing to do.
But now I see it as one of the best things I can do for myself.
Now, to be clear, I’m not walking around the grocery store having an intense one-woman discussion.
Usually this happens when I’m home alone, in the car, or somewhere I don’t have to worry about another person wondering what the heck is going on or who exactly I’m talking to. I’d be mortified if they thought I was trying to strike up a conversation.
There’s just something about saying a worry out loud that changes it for me. It can stop it from morphing into something else. It stops me from feeding the beast.
Minds love to move on warp-speed settings, don’t they? Saying things out loud slows things down.
Instead of rapid-fire questions that won’t stop, I get a chance to actually think about the words.
Asking and answering things helps me to separate all the thoughts vying for my attention. Because sometimes there are things I can do or need to do about something.
Other times, a little chat with myself uncovers that there’s not much I can do right now.
And sometimes hearing myself say something out loud causes me to react with, Okay, we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here.
I love to call myself out. (With grace and compassion, of course.)
2) I Write Things Down
One thing that spikes worry in me is having lots of moving parts. And having lots of moving parts is sort of just a part of being alive.
So, while I can’t stop the moving parts all the time, I can utilize some form of organization.
If I just have this loop of tasks in my head, it becomes like a traffic jam. Or similar to the car pickup line at my daughter’s school. (Why do those things literally make my blood pressure rise?)
Nothing is moving and somehow everybody is annoyed.
Writing things down helps me distinguish between things I actually need to remember and things my brain has apparently decided to throw in for a little fun. Thanks, brain, for keeping things spicy.
Appointments, school things, work, things I need to buy – whatever it is, getting it out of my head makes a difference.
This simple notepad lives on my kitchen counter and I reach for it daily.
You can also do a brain dump of your worries if that’s your thing. I do that at times, but many times the talking out loud will get the job done in a more efficient way.
My hand might be numb if I started writing down every thought, and I would probably lose my train of thought.
I will say that I have found that writing some takeaways can be beneficial. Document the CliffsNotes version. There’s no rule that journals can’t be for random phrases and sentences.
Point is, my brain doesn’t have to be the storage unit for all of it.
3) I Don’t Push Worry Away As Fast As I Can
I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to label ways I am feeling as good or bad. There are feelings I like and feelings I could do without.
I have found, though, that pushing those feelings that don’t feel like a warm hug away has rarely (if ever) made them actually go away.
If anything, it brings more attention to them.
So I’ve been trying to give myself a minute before immediately shutting it down.
Peeling back the layers to see what’s underneath a worry has made things feel less daunting. It also has helped me to stop looking at worry as the enemy.
Doing this sometimes leads me to a clearer decision or path. And sometimes it’s just worry being worry.
Either way, acknowledgment has worked out more in my favor than denial.
4) I Go Through My Backlog of Worries
This might seem counterproductive – to pull old worries out. But it’s not like I’m dusting them off and giving them another go-round.
It helps me question them. And when you are pretty far removed from them, they have so much less power.
For example, I dropped my younger daughter off at kindergarten this morning.
Was I worried about some things? Of course. She is a little 5-year-old walking into a big school for the first time, and she has a 12-year-old sister who has made the word “bro” a part of her daily vocabulary.
I’ve done this before, though. I’ve sent a child off to school and worried about all the things.
But we got here. We made it through.
That’s what going through my backlog reminds me of.
Some worries work themselves out. Yes, there might be growing pains or some discomfort along the way, but I almost always come out the other side.
Other things I spent a whole lot of time worrying about never happened in the first place.
That doesn’t mean everything always works out exactly how I want it to. It just reminds me that worry isn’t some kind of crystal ball showing my doomed future.
Sometimes looking backward and doing some rehashing can bring some relief to the here and now.
5) What Are My Circumstances Right Now?
So often, when I am worrying about the future, I’m not dealing in facts.
I’m dealing in predictions and handfuls of “what if” scenarios.
I used to think that was the only way to gain some control and comfort in life. But I can’t pick from a kiosk what I would like to happen in a future situation or version of my life.
I like answers, plans, and knowing what comes next. That will always be true to some extent.
That said, every blank space doesn’t need to be filled with something scary.
So often, this comes down to me looking for potential problems. Which has its place and time.
I’ve been trying lately to come back to what I actually know right now.
What can I actually do? What has actually happened?
Sometimes there isn’t an answer yet. I don’t always know what will happen or how something will turn out.
I’m dipping my toes in the waters of not immediately filling the unknown with my predictions. I’m inching closer and closer to being semi-comfortable with that.
It’s much easier when I don’t have a brain full of theoretical scenarios to wade through at any given moment.
6) Being Present Is Not Glamorous or Impressive
It was almost as if I was trying to create this aesthetic.
Lovely in theory. Me listening to the birds while sipping my coffee or reading a book while being deeply grateful for my existence.
And those moments are great when they happen.
But being present is mostly about noticing and trying to pay more attention to the ordinary moments.
Listening to my kids when they are telling me something instead of mentally going through my never-ending to-do list. Taking a walk and actually looking at nature.
It’s sitting on the couch to watch something funny without feeling like I should be doing something else.
Most of life is Tuesday. It can be a lot of the same things. And I mean that in the best way possible.
We do the house chores again and make dinner again. We check our email and add something to the grocery list.
I think when I stopped trying to turn being present into a “thing,” it became much more attainable.
For a long time, I felt like I was doing gratitude wrong because it wasn’t oozing out of me every second.
But maybe being present doesn’t require that.
Some light noticing is like a little extra seasoning on life. You don’t have to be in awe of every minute for it to matter. A sprinkle here and there can be enough.
7) Everything Does Not Need to Be Solved Right Now
There are, of course, time-sensitive things in all of our lives. Things that need and deserve our time and attention.
Probably not every email from my kids’ schools, but I digress.
Having a Plan A, B, and sometimes taking it all the way to like Plan J tucked away somewhere can feel like the right way to go about life.
But our lives are susceptible to outside influence. So being six plans or decisions deep might cause me to spiral over something that might look completely different than what my mind has created.
Does this actually need to be figured out right now?
I started asking myself that question and then answering it.
Sometimes the answer is yes, but many times it doesn’t need to be solved right then and there.
Now, this isn’t about putting tasks off until the last possible moment.
It’s about recognizing when I’ve moved beyond planning and started seeing myself as a puppet master in charge of every single string in my realm.
There’s no prize for never having things hanging out there in the breeze waiting to be dealt with.
8) Two (or More) Things Can Be True
This is the creme de la creme.
We rarely feel only one way in life or have one thing going on.
I can feel excited about something and have some worries creeping in. Those things don’t have to clash. They’re not allergic to each other.
I can be incredibly grateful for my life and still wonder about the future.
I can love the season of life I’m in and still be excited for what’s next.
And I can definitely feel confident in a decision and still have times when I question it.
I think I used to assume that if worry showed up, it was a clear sign that something was wrong. I’ve become much more willing to let multiple things sit at the table.
Worry doesn’t cancel everything else out. We’re not playing rock, paper, scissors here.
My brain may never take everything that comes its way at face value. It will most likely always be snooping around like a nosy neighbor, wanting to know the tea, as my tween would say.
That’s okay.
Final Thoughts…
I don’t think I’m ever going to become someone who doesn’t worry about the future.
Let me make a note real quick to tell my husband that if that does happen, he needs to make sure I have not been turned into a robot.
It’s part of who I am.
I like knowing what’s coming. Having some kind of plan and being prepared feels good, and I think it looks good on me.
But for me, there have to be some boundaries around it. I’m not striving for some impressive level of mindfulness.
I’m just trying to wrangle my mind in a bit more so she’s not running away like a wild stallion whenever she gets the chance.
Staying present used to feel like it had to be a million miles away from worry. With some trial and error, I realized that’s not how life works.
I can worry and then come back. It can be a small little detour, not something that completely removes me from my life right now.
Fingers crossed, the future is coming. Being in my 40s has shown me that it comes faster than you think it will.
I’m really trying not to do anything to rush it.
Are there things you do to stay present instead of worrying about the future?
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