How To Be A Better Wife: 11 Tips To Think About

How To Be A Good Wife

Let’s talk all about how to be a better wife.

Does that question make you pause for a second? If so, you’re definitely not alone. 

Let me start this off by saying I know it takes two to make a marriage work. Team sports for the win!

But don’t spend too much time deciding if you should make a change only after your husband changes X, Y, and Z. Don’t do something based on what your partner is or isn’t doing.

The only person I have any control over is me. So that’s where I try to start.

This is not a competition to see who is doing more work and who is doing it better.

Making a change is just as much for yourself as it is for your spouse.

I asked my husband for his thoughts on this one. I have really been loving hearing his take on things.

Yes, it can be hard at times. But there’s no doubt in my mind that those hard conversations lead to better things.

Dare I use the word breakthrough?

Now, this may surprise you, but I am no marriage counselor. Although some days I feel like one.

But I am passionate about thriving in my marriage. To say I do a little research is an understatement.

Just like there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, the same is true for marriage.

These are things I try to keep an eye on in my own marriage. I’m always doing little check-ins with myself and with us.

You know when the check engine light comes on in your car.

Well, picture a light like that for your marriage. Sometimes we all need little reminders to check in before small issues become bigger ones. 

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Here Are 11 Tips on How to Be A Better Wife and Improve Your Marriage

1) Give Him Some Space

OK, so I might be the woman waiting at the top of the stairs like an eager dog when my hubby gets home from work. And I am armed with at least three things to tell him about my day.

Then I follow him from room to room. Oops.

I’m obviously not doing this to annoy him. I’m not trying to invade his personal space. 

I’m just happy to see him. And the fact that he isn’t exactly running into my arms has definitely hurt my feelings before.

It turns out some people need a few minutes to decompress after work. Apparently, following them from room to room while telling them all about my day isn’t everyone’s dream welcome home.

Everyone is different. But actually accepting that-and adjusting our expectations-is often harder than it sounds. 

I’m OK with him invading my personal space most of the time, but that’s not how he works. And that’s fine.

There are worse things than him wanting some space, even though it can still sting sometimes. 

I’m working on seeing things from his side and not taking everything so personally.

2) Know His Love Language

This one has been a game-changer in our marriage.

Knowing your spouse’s love language can help you better understand the different ways people give and receive love.

If you’ve never heard of love languages before, you’re in for a treat. This book has been incredibly helpful for us.

I still crack this book open every six months or so for a little refresh.

I can think of a few…OK, a lot…of times I wish we’d had this marriage tool earlier. 

Does this mean we live in marital bliss?

Sometimes.

Does it mean I understand him a little better?

Also sometimes.

But learning each other’s love languages has absolutely helped us understand one another better.

3) Compliment More

Do you compliment your spouse regularly? I’m not talking about gushing over them. I’m talking about the little things.

These little things can take a backseat in marriage. Life gets busy, and somehow we forget to stop and say something nice. Isn’t that kind of crazy?

I really try to make sure I am dishing out compliments daily.

Compliments give me a little pep in my step. I’m pretty sure they do the same for my husband… and probably most other husbands too.

One last thing. Don’t do it just to get something in return. That sort of defeats the purpose.

I know I’ve been guilty of this. I’ll compliment him and then practically stare him down waiting for one in return. Meanwhile, he’s looking at me with absolutely no idea why my eyes are bulging out of my head.

It’s a good reminder that a compliment is supposed to be about the other person, not about what we might get back.

4) Criticize Less

I am a pro at giving my two cents. Who isn’t?

Sometimes I’m like a cat ready to pounce with my opinion.

But sometimes people don’t want advice or your take on things. They just want to be heard. Really listened to.

I’m working on recognizing when my opinion just isn’t needed. Man, this is a hard one.

Especially when I feel like I have the answer or I know a better way. My mouth and my brain start having an inner argument.

My mouth has been known to win. But what can I say? I’m a work in progress.

Although… every once in a while, I still think I’m right. Don’t tell my husband I said that.

5) Point Out Something Good Every Day

Some days this will be easy peasy. Other days, you might have to think about it for a minute.

But I still try.

It doesn’t have to be anything huge. I’ve found it’s usually the little things that end up meaning the most… and they’re also the easiest things to overlook.

This also goes hand in hand with being thankful. I can get so caught up in going through the motions that I forget to stop and be grateful.

Showing appreciation for the things my husband does – even on the days when all I really want to do is point out X, Y, and Z.

My husband is an incredible dad to our girls. So even on the rough days, I can always come back to that little nugget of good. 

6) Focus On The Positive

My husband doesn’t need to hear about every little annoyance that happened during my day.

We all have crap days, and sometimes we need to vent. There’s nothing wrong with that. My problem was that sometimes my venting didn’t really end. It just kept going.

It’s so easy for that to happen. You start by mentioning one thing, and before you know it, you’ve worked yourself right back into being annoyed all over again.

I don’t want something that happened hours ago to still have that much control over me.

That doesn’t mean pretending everything is wonderful. It just means not letting the hard parts be the only parts that get my attention. The good parts deserve some airtime too.

7) Ask What He Wants or Needs

My husband works a lot. I know I am not alone in this.

So when he has a day off, I tend to make all the plans without even talking to him first. I just tell him what we’re doing that day.

This is another one of those things I’m obviously not doing maliciously. But…maybe he doesn’t want every minute of his day off planned out.

Maybe he’s really tired. Maybe he’s mentally drained and just needs a little time to himself.

I won’t know if I don’t ask.

Sure, I could wait for him to say something. But by then, he’s probably been holding it in for a while… and we all know how that usually goes.

I’ve found that when I focus on changing my own habits, it often changes the tone of our marriage too. Not overnight, but little by little.

Fingers crossed!

8) Give Him Guy Time

Girl talk makes me feel alive. Seriously. I always feel better afterward.

So maybe guy time does the same for him? Guy talk doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well, but you get what I mean.

This one has always been hard for me. Somewhere in my brain, him wanting to spend time with his friends feels like him not wanting to spend time with me.

But that’s really not how it works. Some days I want iced coffee, and some days hot coffee is my best friend.

It’s not always about choosing one thing over another. 

I am a black-and-white person. The struggle is real, friends!

An added bonus? While he’s having some guy time, I get a little time to myself too. 

I actually planned and started this blog while he was playing video games with his friends.

9) Go Out of Your Comfort Zone

I need to make more of an effort to do things that aren’t exactly my exact cup of tea.

Like when it’s his turn to pick the movie for date night. I usually convince myself there’s no way I’m going to like whatever he picks…and then I end up loving it.

I’m not the most adventurous person around, and honestly, I’m OK with that. 

But part of marriage is occasionally stepping into the other person’s world. Even if it wouldn’t have been your first choice. 

Sometimes it’s as simple as watching his movie. Other times, it might mean going somewhere he wants to go or trying something I’d never choose on my own. 

10) Speak Up

Ever hold something in for so long that you word barfed all over your husband?

Maybe it wasn’t a huge thing in the beginning. But it kept growing until it felt like there was a dang 20-foot oak tree inside you just waiting to burst out. 

(If communication is something you struggle with, I have a whole article with more tips that might help)

The biggest mistake I used to make was saying those certain two words. I’m fine.

Those words usually meant anything but that.

I’d say them, hold everything in, and expect him to read my mind. I thought I was making it obvious I wasn’t fine, but apparently he just thought it was my time of the month or something.

The takeaway?

Talk it out. It almost always goes better than expecting someone to read your mind.

11) Watch Your Words

Does this sound familiar? You always do X, Y, and Z. You never do this or that.

These words were my best friends.

When you’re upset, it can honestly feel like things are always or never a certain way, especially if it’s something that has happened before.

I’ve found the best thing I can do when my blood is boiling is to take a minute. Just hit the pause button.

If a yelling match starts, neither one of us is really listening anymore. We’re just waiting for our turn to talk or defend ourselves.

I’ve never walked away from one of those conversations thinking, “Well, that helped.”

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Marriage is not a one-person job.

But sometimes it can feel like you are alone or carrying more than your share.

Marriage has hard seasons. That’s just part of sharing your life with another imperfect human being.

I still get mad. I still say things I don’t mean and exaggerate situations sometimes. So does he. So does everyone.

I’m just trying to speak in a way that moves the conversation forward instead of keeping us stuck in the same argument.

I’ve learned the only person I can really work on is myself. That’s frustrating sometimes…but it’s also kind of freeing and it makes room for real change to happen. 

Got any tips on how to be a better wife? I would love to hear them!

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How To Be A Better Wife: 11 Tips To Think About