How To Be A Better Wife
How To Be A Good Wife
Ever think about how to be a better wife?
Let me start this off by saying I know it takes two to make a marriage work. Team sports for the win!
But don’t spend too much time analyzing if you should try to make a change until your husband changes x, y, and z. Don’t do something based off of what your partner is or isn’t doing.
Look inside yourself. Think about how to be a better wife today!
How to be a good wife!
An all-around better person.
This is not a competition to see who is doing more work and who is doing it better.
Making a change is for yourself just as much as for your spouse.
I included my husband in on this one. I have really been loving hearing his take on things. Yes, it can be hard at times. He may have used the word trapped in a conversation. But there’s no doubt in my mind that those hard conversations lead to better things.
Dare I use the word breakthrough?
Now, this may surprise you. But I am no marriage counselor. Although, some days I feel like one.
But I am passionate about thriving in my marriage. To say I do a little research is an understatement.
Just like there is no one size fits all with parenting. The same is true for marriage.
These are things I make it a priority to work on. I am constantly evaluating myself and my relationship with my hubby. Doing a little check in you could say.
You know when the check engine light comes on in your car.
Well, picture a light like that for your marriage. Keep things running smoothly with these tried and true tips.
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Here is Some Advice on How to Be A Better Wife and Improve Your Marriage
1) Give Him Some Space
Ok, so I might be the woman waiting at the top of the stairs like an eager dog when my hubby gets home from work. And I am armed with at least 3 things to tell him about my day.
And I follow him around to whatever room he goes in. Oops. I obviously don’t do this to annoy him. I am not purposely invading his personal space at every second.
I am just legitimately happy to see him. And the fact that he isn’t running into my arms has been known to hurt my feelings.
Even though we all know everyone is different. It can be a challenge to truly accept and understand this. And then adjust according.
I am ok with him invading my personal space most of the time but that’s not how he works. And that is ok.
There are worse things than him wanting some space. Even though sometimes my heart feels a little broken.
I am working on TRYING to see things from his side and not take everything so personally.
2) Know His Love Language
This one is a game changer. For you and your spouse.
Knowing a love language can help you better understand the different ways people give and receive love.
If you have no idea what this is then you are in for a treat. This book is so helpful!
I can think of a few(ok a lot) of times I wish I would have had this handy marriage tool. But luckily I do now. Does this mean we live in marital bliss?
Does this mean I understand him a little more?
Also sometimes. But it does help.
3) Compliment More
Do you give compliments regularly? I am not talking about gushing over your spouse. I’m talking about the little things.
These little things can take a backseat in a marriage. Life is going on and we forget to just stop and say something nice. Isn’t that crazy. We forget to say nice things.
I try very hard to make sure I am dishing out compliments daily.
Compliments give me a little pep in my step. I am pretty sure it does the same for my husband. And all the other men out there.
One last thing. Don’t do it just to get something in return. That sort of defeats the purpose.
I know I have been guilty of this. Staring him down so hard and most the time he is looking at me with no idea why my eyes are bulging out of my head.
4) Criticize Less
I am a pro at giving my two cents. Who isn’t?
I’m like a cat ready to pounce.
But sometimes a person does not want advice or your take on things. They just want to be heard. Really listened to.
I am working on knowing when my take on things is not needed. Man, this is a hard one. Especially when I feel like I have the answer or I know a better way. My mouth and my brain start having an inner argument.
My mouth has been known to win but what can I say. I’m a work in progress.
And ladies, sometimes we really do know best. Am I right?
5) Point Out Something Good Every Day
Some days this will be easy peasy. Other days, it may take some deep thinking to come up with something.
But I still try. It doesn’t have to be anything huge. I have found that it really is the little things that matter. These are the things that fall through the cracks.
This also involves being thankful. I find myself going through the motions and not stopping to really be grateful.
Showing appreciation for the things he does. Even when all I want to do is call him out for x, y, and z.
My husband is the best daddy to our little girl. So, even on the rough days, there is always that little nugget of good.
6) Focus On The Positive
He does not need to hear about every little annoyance that occurred in my day. Becoming a negative Nancy is a slippery slope.
We all have crap days. And we want to vent to someone. That’s fine and dandy. But my venting was the kind that never stopped. It just went on and on.
It is so easy for that to happen. You start by saying one thing and your level of annoyance keeps rising and you are mad all over again. I don’t want something to have that much control over me.
Focus on the positive in yourself, the positive you see in others and the positive things in your life.
7) Asking What He Wants/Needs
My husband works a lot. I know I am not alone in this. So, when he is off I tend to make the plans for the day. Without even talking with him. I just tell him what we are doing that day.
This is another one of those things I obviously am not doing maliciously. But maybe he is not on board with having his entire day off controlled.
Maybe he is feeling really tired or really drained. Maybe he is mentally exhausted and needs some alone time.
I don’t know if I don’t ask. I could wait for him to tell me eventually. But at that point, he has been holding things in and we all know how that usually turns out.
We all know the hard part about change. The only person we can change is ourselves. I know, bummer. Some days, I really wish I could change my husband.
But something amazing happens when you work on yourself. It won’t happen overnight but it is pretty safe to say you will see a change in your spouse.
Fingers crossed, ladies!
8) Give Him Guy Time
Girl talk makes me feel alive. Seriously. It makes me feel rejuvenated.
So, maybe it does the same for him?
This one is hard for me. In my mind, his wanting to spend time with his friends is him not wanting to spend time with me. But it doesn’t work like that. Some days I want iced coffee and some days hot coffee is my best friend.
It is not always about choosing one thing over another.
I am a black and white person. The struggle is real, friends!
A bonus to this is him having some guy time is also a perfect opportunity to focus on some self-care!
9) Go Out of Your Comfort Zone
I need to make an effort to do things that are not my exact cup of tea.
Like when it is his turn to pick the movie for date night. I feel like there is no way I will like his pick and then end up loving it.
I am not the most adventurous person around. And I’m fine with the way I am. But part of being in a relationship is doing things for the other person. Even when you don’t feel like it.
10) Speak Up
Ever hold something in for so long that you word barfed all over your husband.
And maybe, in the beginning, it wasn’t a huge thing. But it grew and grew like a weed. Now, it feels like there is a dang 20 foot oak inside you waiting to burst out.
Communication is crucial. (Don’t miss these communication tips that are vital for your relationship)
The biggest mistake I used to make was saying those certain two words. “I’m fine.”
Those words mean anything but that. I would say them and then hold things in and expect him to read my mind. I thought I was making it obvious I was not fine but apparently, he just thought it was my time of the month or something.
The take away from this?
Talk it out. Always!
11) Watch Your Words
Does this sound familiar? You ALWAYS do x.,y, and z. You NEVER do this or that.
These words were my best friends. When you are mad about something, it can feel like things are always or never a certain way. Especially when this thing has happened before.
The best thing I can do when my blood is boiling is to take a minute. Hit the pause button.
If a screaming match starts, neither one of you is really listening. You are just thinking of what you are going to say next. Your next insult is on deck.
Marriage is not a one person job.
But sometimes it can feel like you are alone. The truth is marriage will be hard. I stray away from using the word easy at all when it comes to relationships. There are different seasons. Sometimes a hard season will creep up on you. Like snow in April. Rare in my parts but it has happened. It actually just happened the other day.
Now, I still get mad. I still say things I don’t mean and exaggerate situations. So does he. So does everyone. But I try to speak in a way that helps move a conversation forward. Not a way that is just full of back and forth chatter that helps nothing.
There are two people in your marriage. Do your part. Even when it is exhausting and you rather do anything but.
Check out Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel for a deeper look at ways to help your marriage!
Got any tips on how to be a better wife?
I would love to hear them!
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