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How To Be a Better Spouse

How To Be a Better Spouse: 5 Ideas Every Marriage Can Relate To

how to be a better spouse

When you think of how to be a better spouse, what comes to mind?

Being a better listener. Being more understanding. Making sure you put the toilet paper on the holder the right way. Never leaving just one cookie in the container.

OK, those last two may seem a little silly. But leaving just one cookie is not cool. I need at least 3 cookies at a time! 

I could talk about cookies all day but let’s get back to the point. Being a better spouse. 

Now, you could ask 10 different people about this and you could easily get 10 different answers.

Every relationship is going through different things or in a different stage so of course there are endless possibilities.

And there are also no right or wrong answers either. 

My husband and I had a talk about this topic the other day. It should come as no surprise that we had a lot of different ideas on what being a better spouse looks like.

But there were quite a few things we both agreed on! And that is where these tips originated from.

We both felt strongly that these things have had a huge impact on the health and happiness of our marriage.

When we put these ideas front and center in our relationship, things just seem better.

The best part is that these are simple and general ideas that can be applied to any marriage. 

Here Are 5 Tips on How To Be a Better Spouse

1) Be Nicer

I don’t know about you but I am not always as nice as I should be to my husband. And I don’t do this intentionally. 

When you get comfortable with someone, it can be easy to not always give much thought to how you treat them.

But a little kindness will go a long way in your marriage. I know it has in mine. 

I always relate this back to manners. I think about being kind and being respectful.

This is all about the way we act during our day to day encounters. 

Don’t underestimate the power of saying please and thank you. A smile from across the room. 

These little things take no time at all and I guarantee your spouse will appreciate them!

2) Find The Good

There will always be little things about our partners that annoy us. Things that get under our skin just a little bit. 

And let me tell you, friend, it is pretty dang easy peasy to constantly notice these things.

But what if we tried to notice the good?

What if we worked on making a habit of pointing out something good about our spouse?

I try to do this every single day. Especially on the days when we are just not vibing very well. You know those days. We all have them.

Try to give a compliment. You could even grab a journal and write down one positive thing about your spouse. 

No matter where your thoughts take you, the idea is to try to bring things back and end on a good note. 

3) Have Your Own Life

And encourage your spouse to do the same. 

I’m in a small book club with a few of my neighbors. 

My husband plays video games with a few good friends. This doesn’t involve him leaving the house but he does have a room in the house that is just his! He has a deep love for his man cave.

He also likes to go and play football or soccer with his friends. I prefer to go hiking or on a bike ride.

Sometimes, in a relationship, we can forget about ourselves. We can forget about the things we enjoy. The things that bring us joy. 

Having separate interests is important. If anything, it makes for a good conversation. 

And this does not mean we never do things together. We do go hiking together and sometimes I watch him play sports with his friends. 

But this really comes down to being OK with and understanding that you don’t have to do everything together. You can go off on your own and then come back together at the end of the day.

And your relationship will benefit so much from this. 

4) Listen

Listening seems easy enough, right?

But just listening and being a good listener are two very different things. 

I am not always a good listener. And honestly, there will never come a time when I become the perfect listener.

That’s just not realistic. But I truly want to be a really good listener.

We all know what it feels like when we know someone is not really listening to us. It sucks.

This is something I am always working on. Really listening to my husband. Really trying to understand where he is coming from.

Listening is a very powerful tool for any relationship. 

5) End The Day on a High

Starting the day on a high is great too!

I know that the world is not a place full of rainbows and unicorns that fart glitter. We all know that life is hard and messy.

But this just comes down to talking about the positive before the negative. Shining a spotlight on the good parts of a day. 

This isn’t about digging an imaginary hole and shoving all the rough stuff in there. Because we all know that stuff will find a way out. 

My husband is actually much better at this than I am. Dang, don’t tell him I said that!

But he really is. My worries or negative thoughts can easily take over my mind and that’s all that comes out when I open my mouth. 

It takes practice and effort to put an emphasis on the positive things. I always tell my husband it is like smelling dog poop in the house and not searching for it. Think about how hard that is!

But over time this can become a habit!

Find the positive. Speak the positive. I repeat this to myself more times a day than I can count. It may seem silly but it works!


When I got married over a decade ago, I didn’t really think about how to be a better partner. 

I mean, I think I related marriage to the idea that my husband and I were good just like we were.

Thank goodness most of us get wiser with age! I now know that good marriages do not just happen by accident.

It is two people working on themselves and working on their relationship for as long as you both shall live!

Have any tips on how to be a better spouse? Drop a comment and let’s chat!

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How To Be a Better Spouse: 5 Ideas Every Marriage Can Relate To

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