How To Save A Marriage: 9 Tips You Need To Read
How To Save A Marriage on The Brink of Divorce
Marriage is a journey of curvy roads and lots of construction. I think we all know this.
But what do you do when it feels like things are on a downward spiral and there is no sign of a light at the end of the tunnel?
You may go looking anywhere and everywhere for some advice on how to save a marriage.
Or you may shut down. Those feelings of being hopeless can take over. Which only makes everything seem worse.
Do you want to save your relationship? This is such a scary and uneasy thing to have to think about.
I have been on the receiving end of someone saying they were not happy. And I have been the person saying something was off in the relationship.
At times it can be quick to jump to the idea of divorce. This can happen when you are at a loss for what to do.
Marriage does not come with a road map. There is not a certain path that is sure to lead you to the land of never-ending happiness.
But there is a lot of information out there that can restore your hope. Even just a little bit.
Have you ever read something and a light bulb went off? I’m sure you have. It happens to me all the time.
A fresh perspective can work wonders!
If you made the decision to go all in and save your marriage, then this post is for you.
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Here Are 9 Tips on How to Save a Marriage
1) Feelings Purge
I love to write in a journal. It is like therapy for me. It is like talking things out with myself. This is one of the ways I practice self-care.
And it is perfect for getting a better understanding of how you really feel. And then you can sit down with your partner.
Coming to an important discussion prepared can be a great way to try and keep the conversation on track. And keep things productive rather than just a back-and-forth bickering fest.
Write everything down. How you feel. The way you feel towards your partner. Things that hurt you. Things that fill you with so much rage you feel like you could lose control. Let it all out on paper.
Then take a deeper look at what you have written. Being able to look at words right in front of you can put things into perspective. And help you weed through all of your emotions.
This is much better than having your mind filled to the brim with thoughts.
2) Work on Yourself
My marriage always seems to be thriving when I am thriving. This makes total sense when you think about it. You are in a better mindset when you are happy with yourself. That inner happiness is where it’s at!
Bring your best self to the table. This can have a direct correlation to how your relationship is functioning. It is hard to give your best to someone else when you are not giving anything to yourself.
Take a deep look inside. Do some soul-searching.
And it is essential to understand and accept that you can only change yourself. This can be a hard pill to swallow. Believe me, I know!
No matter how hard you attempt to mold someone into what you want. It will not happen.
3) No Ultimatums
This all comes down to power. Ultimatums can provide a sense of control. Let’s be completely real here. It can feel good to be the one on top. The one calling the shots.
Maybe for a little while, this works. But it is not really fixing anything. It is sort of like bullying someone into doing something. And I can almost guarantee this will backfire.
This can create resentment in your relationship. Holding something over your partner’s head just sounds like a recipe for disaster.
And then what happens when things do not go as planned? You are right back to where you started.
Compromising is a much better tactic. More difficult? Oh yes! But for sure the way to go.
Check out these ways to significantly improve communication in your relationship!
4) Stop The Blame Game
The blame game is a pretty popular game between couples. We do it at times without even giving it much thought. It is just how we talk.
He did this. She did that.
People love to point the finger. Let me point at you so the light is off of me. I have done this on many occasions.
Take responsibility for yourself. Be accountable for yourself. Do not blame someone for anything and everything going wrong.
Blaming your partner for everything going wrong is not going to make them feel very positive about the relationship. And adding more negativity is never the answer.
Do not try to “win” by having a shorter list of faults.
5) Change Things Up
Boredom can be a beast.
Are you bored with how your life is going? Bored with a lack of excitement in your relationship?
Do not dismiss the ideas that maybe you are beyond bored. And this may seem like a little thing but it is not! Make sure you are living your life. Not just going through the motions.
Which can easily happen. I have been there. The routine is the same from day to day. Both people are aware that something needs to give. But a lot of times you just keep going and going the same way. Trust me on this, someone is going to explode at some point.
Try something you have never done before. It could be as simple as trying a new restaurant. Or something a little more elaborate like a weekend away to a new place.
Going outside of the normal routine you have created can be the breath of fresh air you so desperately need.
6) Stop Assuming
I can not speak for any other relationship, but I know my relationship has taken a hit before due to assuming.
This comes down to communication. Open up those lines!
Holding things in and assuming how someone else is feeling will never solve a problem.
My mind has a way of always assuming the worst. I know I’m not alone in this.
All assuming does is create deeper issues. Especially when you start layering all of the assumptions. Then you have built an assumption cak
How about unclogging those lines of communication? Talking is always a better route than assuming.
7) Try Anything
Read marriage books (I highly recommend this one), listen to podcasts or even look for marriage retreats. Do not rule out marriage counseling.
If you want to save your marriage then nothing is off limits.
That way, if your marriage does end you will know that you took advantage of every resource out there. You can walk away knowing that you left no stone unturned.
The worst thing would be looking back and wishing you would have given that last thing a shot.
(BTW: The “anything” part of this MUST BE things you are both comfortable with of course!)
8) Time
Safe to say your marriage did not become broken overnight? It will not be fixed overnight either.
Dang is it hard to be patient?! This is rough in every aspect of life. Practicing patience is just plain hard!
I wish there was a way to make this easier. No such luck. But you can make the choice to be positive. Look at the bright side.
Focus on the fact that building something truly amazing takes time. Time will keep going no matter what you do. So why not do all you can?
Your relationship is worth investing some time in.
9) New Mindset
If you have put in all the work and changes were made, then you have to make those changes a part of your lifestyle. A new way of handling things.
Talk about issues right away. No sweeping things under the rug. You need to become OK with dealing with the tough stuff and the uncomfortable stuff.
I used to think that if two people loved each other that should be enough. But it takes a lot more than love to create a successful marriage. Now, love is obviously a key component. But I have learned that you have to be open to learning and growing.
Try not to let things go so far off the deep end again. Easier said than done. Most things are. Words roll right off the tongue. But doing the real work takes much more effort.
Want to have a thriving marriage? I think that means always doing check-ins of your relationship. And always working on things.
Check out Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel for a deeper look at ways to help your marriage!
It all comes down to making your marriage a priority.
Does this mean your marriage will be on a smooth course from now on? Sorry, not likely. But once you have some solid tools under your belt you are much better prepared for that next sharp turn.
You can handle what marriage is throwing at you!
Have any advice on how to save a marriage?
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