Toxic Marriage Habits You Need To Avoid
Things That Ruin A Marriage
Every single couple out there is guilty of having some toxic marriage habits.
By no means does that mean they have a bad marriage.
It just means that they are human and not perfect! Yes, even those couples that seem to have it all. Don’t be fooled. They do not.
Does everyone out there know all the personal details of your relationship? Of course not. So you have to assume that you do not know every detail of other people’s relationships.
And you shouldn’t be comparing your relationship to their relationship anyway. But we will get to that in a minute.
It is important to be aware of your bad habits. And then make an effort to get better.
Be willing to call yourself out.
I am guilty of #9! I am very aware of this. And I know that it solves nothing. But I continue to struggle with it.
I make some of these other common mistakes too. And by some, I mean all. I have been guilty of doing all of these things.
You make some of these mistakes. Everyone is guilty of making these mistakes at one time or another.
There will always be work to be done.
That’s not a bad thing. That means you and your partner are able to grow together.
You should have a marriage that fills you with joy. A marriage that fills you up with all the good stuff.
And a marriage that is strong enough to stand tall through the hard stuff.
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Here Are 13 Toxic Marriage Habits To Stop Doing Today
1) Unrealistic Expectations
I’m shaking my fist at all those romantic comedies that stole my heart.
But your marriage is hopefully going to last a lot longer than 2 hours!
You will always feel let down if you have unrealistic expectations.
Your husband might not break out in song and dance for you. But he brought you home chocolate the other day.
Don’t miss the little things because you are waiting for something bigger and better.
2) Keeping Score
Are you playing a game? I hope not. So, if there is no game going on then there is no reason for a scoreboard!
Simple as that.
And even if it was a game you would be on the same team!
3) Not Making Time for Each Other
People are busy. But sometimes that word is overused.
Don’t forget to always make time for the things that matter.
4) Not Listening
Are you guilty of only thinking of what you want to say? Your response is ready on deck!
Listening is very different from hearing someone. We hear a lot of things. It doesn’t mean we are actually listening.
And we know when we have someone’s full attention. And we know how crappy it feels when we know someone is not listening.
Check out these tips for having open and healthy communication in your marriage!
5) Expecting Your Spouse To Read Your Mind
Have you ever had any of these thoughts in your head?
“He should know I’m mad!”
“I wanted to go out and now we are stuck at home bored!”
Anything along those lines?
We have to use our words. We did not marry mind readers. And thank goodness for that!
6) Not Having Your Own Life
It is easy to forget you are your own person.
Don’t lose yourself.
Make time for the things that bring you joy.
Not things you can do as a couple. Things just for yourself.
Starting this blog was one of those things I did for myself!
7) Not Dealing With Issues
What is that saying? Sweep it under the rug. Out of sight and out of mind will only work for so long. Issues will bubble up. And when they do come back they will be out for blood.
Put the broom away. And talk about it.
8) Name Calling
It can be hard to keep your cool when emotions are running high.
But even during a rough time, don’t be a bully. Don’t say something out of spite.
We have all done it. Said something to hurt someone. And most of the time we regret it not long after it has slipped out of our mouths.
But we can’t take them back. We can say sorry but the damage is done.
A better idea is to write those mean words in a journal. Or a random piece of paper.
Then they can be thrown away. Or burned!
9) Bringing Up The Past
Ugh…my downfall right here.
Am I bringing this up just to hurt my partner?
Am I bringing this up because there is a deeper issue that I am not over?
This is what you have to figure out.
10) No Intimacy
No beating around the bush here. Sex is important.
If you have fallen into a rut, which most of us have, you have to be willing to bring it up.
Have the conversation sooner rather than later.
11) Having To Be Right
Don’t get hung up on being right.
A relationship is not about winners and losers. Even if sometimes you feel it way deep down in your belly. You were right. OK, just keep it to yourself.
Fighting to be right will not make you happier.
12) Comparing Your Relationship
Stay in your lane. You do not know what is going on behind closed doors.
And any relationship besides your own is really none of your business.
What can you do to make your relationship the bomb.com? That’s all you need to be concerned with.
Read how I work on not constantly comparing here!
13) Always Threatening To Leave
In every marriage, there will be fights that end in someone saying they are done. They want out. They can’t take it. Maybe even using the “d” word. I mean divorce. Just to be clear.
But in most cases, no one is leaving. They are angry.
“I need a break.” This is what I say when I can feel myself getting ready to say words that I do not mean.
This is also the same thing I say when my child is pushing every single button I have.
No shame in needing a minute. I rather take a step back then say something I will regret.
It is important to remember everyone feels things differently. You know you don’t really want to leave. But your partner could be really hurt by those words. They may not be able to move on as quickly from it as you do.
So, what do you think about these toxic marriage habits?
Reading this will not be a quick fix. There are no quick fixes. But maybe this was an eye-opener. Maybe a light bulb went off.
You deserve a kick-butt marriage. So go make one!
Check out Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel for a deeper look at ways to help your marriage!
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