Do’s and Don’ts of Marriage
Ready to dive into some important do’s and don’ts of marriage?
Does it ever seem like it should be so simple in relationships?
Do these things. Don’t do these things. Just like following instructions.
Now, I am not a master at following instructions. Dang if I do not always have an extra screw left over when I try to put anything together. But building a nightstand is still a heck of a lot easier than building a strong and healthy marriage.
For one thing, there are two people in a relationship. And unless you are married to a robot, controlling your partner is not in the cards. Even though it would be nice from time to time.
Most likely, we have all done some of the positive things on this list and some of the negative. We are human. It is OK. And you know what? We’ll do them again.
Expecting perfection from yourself or your partner is just asking to be disappointed.
Early on in relationships, it is impossible to picture a time when it won’t be that way. Remember those days? I do.
But things change over time. I do not like to say the honeymoon phase completely goes away. It just turns into the sh*t just got real phase. Your relationship leveled up. That’s a better way of looking at it.
Your goal should be to try and do more of the good and less of the not-so-great.
Marriages struggle from time to time. It can be hard to see a way out when you are deep in it.
And putting in the work and effort may seem exhausting. Just doing your own thing and barely speaking may seem like the best solution.
There will always be hard days. And sometimes they may seem to come out of nowhere. They are like a punch in the face that stops you in your tracks.
But if both people are willing to put in the work a good day will be on the way.
There is nothing out there that has a secret code that unlocks a door to marital bliss.
You just do your best.
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Here Are 18 Do’s and Don’ts of Marriage
1) Do: Know Each Other’s Love Languages
Knowing this can clear up a lot of miscommunication and frustration. This one could be a game changer for your relationship. I know it was for my marriage.
If you have no idea what this is then get ready for something very special. This book is absolutely amazing. It breaks down into detail the different ways people give and receive love.
2) Don’t: Assume
Do not assume you know how someone is feeling. Or what someone is thinking.
This can cause a lot of unnecessary trouble. More often than not our assumptions are just flat-out wrong.
3) Do: Talk it Out
Fine. That is a bad word in my book.
Maybe even worse than the actual “f” word. Communication is key to any successful relationship.
These communication tips will work wonders for your relationship!
4) Don’t: Keep Score
This will get you nowhere. Actually, it will succeed in doing one thing. Pushing you and your partner further and further apart.
Same team, people. Do not waste time trying to “win.”
5) Do: Support Each Other
Do you want to know this amazing thing I realized? I can support my husband even when I do not feel it is the best decision. I used to be so set on only supporting the choices that I liked.
But we need to support our spouse even when we are not so sure about something. Sometimes, it is better to keep our opinions quiet and only offer up a heavy dose of encouragement.
6) Don’t: Make Your Partner Responsible For All Your Happiness
Your partner is not like a bird keeping all your happiness eggs safe. That is a lot of responsibility to put off on them.
You do the dang thing and take charge of your happiness.
Your partner will add happiness to your life. Or else why would you be with them? But that is not their job.
7) Do: Date Your Spouse
I know life is busy. I know it may never seem like there is enough time. But you have to make time for this.
Do not become a couple that barely spends time alone together other than the rushed mornings or the exhausted evenings.
Make this a priority. Your marriage will thank you.
8) Don’t: Compare
Be concerned with the relationship that you are in. That is the one that impacts your life. Your lane, my friend. Focus on staying in your lane.
Need some help in the comparison department? Read this!
9) Do: Have Disagreements
There is nothing wrong with disagreeing. It would actually be a little scary if two people always agreed on everything.
Have an opinion. Discuss things. Hash things out when you are on completely opposite sides. This is healthy.
10) Don’t: Have Screaming Matches
OK, this is one of those things that probably has happened and will happen again. The problem with screaming at each other in anger is that no one is really listening.
A yell every now and then can feel good. I know! What I am really referring to is the exact words that are used.
A lot of fights with screaming may have some language that is not so nice. And sometimes those harsh words won’t do any damage. But sometimes they will. And once things are said you can’t take them back.
11) Do: Say Sorry
Hot dang, why is it so hard to say sorry sometimes? This is another one of those things that on paper seems like it should be so simple.
Two words. Just say two little words. Not always easy but always worth it in the end.
Do not underestimate the power of a sincere apology.
12) Don’t: Ignore The Hard Stuff
Got something on your mind but you have been putting it off? We all go through this.
Ever have something happen and you kind of talk about it? But then the next day it seems to have been forgotten about. It is still there. But nobody wants to bring it up.
It may seem like it is easier to move on. But is it really?
If the issue was not resolved then there is no way to completely move on. And whatever the problem was it is going to pop up one day.
Just like when you shove something to the top of the closet. Then one day it falls and pops you right in the nose.
13) Do: Intimacy
I know life is busy. There are kids and work and t-ball games and the garage needs to be cleaned out. But why does intimacy seem to be something that is so easily put on the back burner?
This is an important aspect of a relationship. Let’s treat it that way!
14) Don’t: Threaten To Leave
You don’t want every argument ending in someone saying they are leaving. It is annoying.
And I used to do it all the time. I was not really about to leave. I was just hoping that saying this would give me a little control. Definitely not my best self. I know.
If emotions are running this high, it may be time to take a grown-up time out.
15) Do: Have Your Own Life
You have to have your own life. You are still a person separate from your relationship.
Take time for yourself. Find things that bring you joy.
This blog has made such a difference in me having something for myself. Read all about how to start a blog!
16) Don’t: Have Unrealistic Expectations
This goes back to what I mentioned way back at the beginning of this. We can’t expect perfection from our spouse. Or ourselves.
Everything will not always happen the way you expect it to. Setting unrealistic expectations is a perfect way to always be let down.
17) Do: The Little Things
The little things make a big difference in your marriage.
Hold hands, give a quick smooch, and a smack on the butt. Send a sweet text.
These little things can make or break a marriage.
18) Do: The Dang Work
You know what it all comes down to? Accepting that marriage is hard. And messy. And beautiful.
What kind of marriage do you want? A going through the motions type of relationship.
Or how about a marriage that you can look at and know that it takes a lot to make it thrive But it is so worth it.
Check out Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel for a deeper look at ways to help your marriage!
Have any other do’s and don’ts of marriage?
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